Category: songs, quotes & poems

One of the hardest parts of dealing with a miscarriage is feeling the need to justify your grief. As I’ve mentioned previously, our society treats miscarriage as a taboo topic. One in four pregnant couples experience it, yet no one talks about it. Someone shared with me an article today that may partially explain why this is. Our society treats grief as a hierarchy – where losing a grandparent is inferior to losing a parent, which is inferior to losing a sibling, which is inferior to losing a spouse. In our culture, we tend to compare losses, and if those around us have had what we deem bigger losses, somehow our own grief is inferior. The following passage from the article resonated with me especially:

There’s definitely a self-imposed hierarchy of grief in the land of early pregnancy loss. You feel you certainly should not be in the kind of pain like someone who suffered a stillbirth. Worst of all are the parents who held that baby in the NICU while she died in their arms. They are totally the Biggest Grief Losers, right?

So there you are, with your sad little loss. Would you even get a nametag in the Loss Club? Your pregnancy was only six weeks. Six weeks or two weeks or eight weeks or even just one afternoon between when the little blue stick said yes and then your body said no. Do you get any legitimate grief points if you only had an afternoon to glow and dream and weep for your future that has finally, finally come – and then it’s gone. She’s gone. He’s gone. You can totally go to the movies if you’re miscarrying a really early pregnancy. Go out for dinner and take in a show, the doctor says.

And yet.

And yet you are full of death and your heart is as broken and so I invite you up here on the stage to claim your loss, too.

What beautiful, poignant words. Full article HERE.

2011 has been a year full of ups and downs. Unfortunately, most of the “ups” of the year have been grossly overshadowed by one significant “down.” Needless to say, I was thankful to put 2011 to bed and am ready to start fresh with 2012.

I’ve never really given much thought to the lyrics for Auld Lang Syne until now. The title of the song, which is based on an old Scottish poem, literally translates to “old long since.” It’s become synonymous with New Years, and while the actual phrases and lyrics of the poem don’t translate well to modern English, the overall sentiment is that we should hold onto our memories and reflect on the past as we look toward the future. In other words, while we shouldn’t live in the past, we should never forget it, because it’s made us into the people we are today.

While our loss is still very raw to me emotionally, I know it happened for a reason, as D and I are much closer because of it. It’s the most difficult thing we’ve ever been through, and tough times are often true tests for relationships. It’s good to know we can go through something like this and become stronger because of it, when many couples would fall apart.

I will never forget our first baby – he or she will always have a place in my heart – but it’s time to move forward. So, as I look forward to 2012 and what I hope will be the year we get our take home baby, I’m allowing myself to let go.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my jo,
For aluld lang syne,
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

(chorus)

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d teh gowans fine;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,
Sin auld lang syne.

(chorus)

We twa hae paidl’d i’ the burn,
Frae morning sun til dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
Sin auld lang syne.

(chorus)

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere!
And gie’s a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
For auld lang syne.

(chorus)

So long 2011. Here’s to a happier 2012.