friends & family – Page 3 – Keeping up with the Hoffmans

Baby Theo, friends & family, health & body

The first three weeks…

May 30, 2013May 30, 2013 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

Two things I said I’d never do: give a pacifier before breastfeeding was well-established, and bring the baby into our bed at night. Guess what we did within the first week? We gave a pacifier on night two and brought Theo into our bed to sleep on night four. I think the rule of thumb when it comes to being a new parent is to never say never, and even though I could have punched every person who gave me some variation of that advice, the truth is, they were totally right.

Another thing I didn’t anticipate? That it would take me two weeks to find time to write another update since my last post! Theo is now three weeks old. Time flies. I have tried to update this blog multiple times over the past couple weeks, but caring for a newborn is more time consuming than I had ever imagined. Not only that, but between feeding and diapering round the clock, and not going to work or having any sort of set schedule, I’ve lost all concept of time.

Picking up where I left off last time, Theo gave us quite a hard time his first two nights. Actually, nights are still a bit of a challenge, but those first two nights were exceptionally rough. By the time we got transferred to our postpartum room that first night, it was about 2 a.m. and we had been up for almost 22 hours straight. We were beyond exhausted. Unfortunately, newborns tend to be VERY awake immediately after birth, and Theo was no exception. The first dilemma we were faced with was a poopy diaper. After some “wait, how do you do this?” conversation, we figured out the diaper, but then we couldn’t figure out how to swaddle him back up. Funny, we had learned how to both diaper and swaddle in our newborn care class, but suddenly neither of us could remember how to do either of those things in the moment. Theo broke out of our half-ass swaddle in a matter of minutes, and, as it turns out, having free arms is an alarmingly frightening thing to a newborn. He was sure to let us know just how displeased he was. The next morning the nurse came in and remarked about all the crying she heard coming from our room last night. Gee, would have been nice for her to offer some help! But I suppose the nurses tend to err on the side of letting parents figure things out for themselves unless asked. Duly noted.

Good morning! Never mind I just kept you up all night.

2013-05-10 15.42.48-1 — Uncle Robbie and Theo (and mama’s first beer in 9 months!)

Since D’s dad and step-mom were coming to visit at 10 a.m., I figured I should get showered in an effort to feel human again. The hot shower was glorious, but the showering experience was a bit frightening, upon realizing just how torn up my poor lady bits were. But still, after a hot shower and a touch of makeup, I almost looked like my old self again, even if I didn’t feel it. After D’s dad and step mom, our friends Deanne, Brandon, Daren and Erin came by around noon, followed by my brother and sister-in-law around 3 (they brought me my first beer, which was glorious!), our friend Matt, and then my friends from college, Rachel, Kelly and Margaret around 4. D’s mom, sister, brother-in-law and niece came by around 7. It was a long day, but the steady flow of visitors made the day go by faster, as we were beginning to feel like prisoners in our hospital room. Theo was a perfect angel all day, but we soon learned we were in for another long night of crying. Turns out he had his days and nights flipped, which is common for newborns. (Side note: this is also what caused us to bring him into our bed to sleep a few days later, as someone had suggested this to help him regulate his days and nights. It definitely helped, and a week later we started the process of transitioning him back to his bassinet. I’m hoping to not set a precedent of him sleeping in our bed that will only be harder to break later!)

Unfortunately, that second night, I came to the painful realization that Theo had a very shallow latch when it came to breastfeeding, and my poor nips were already starting to blister from the constant (incorrect) nursing. After being unable to console him for the second night in a row (thankfully we figured out the swaddle, at least), we called in a nurse for help. She helped me some with my latch, but the damage was already done by that point. We tried nipple shields, which he didn’t like at all, and since he was mostly nursing for comfort at this point, we reluctantly introduced a pacifier. As I mentioned earlier, I really had wanted to hold off on that, but after only about 2 hours of sleep in 48 hours, we were desperate. The pacifier calmed him some, but it would fall out when he fell asleep, and that would wake him up and make him start crying again. So I spent most of the night popping the pacifier back in every time he would spit it out. I didn’t get much sleep, but at least my poor boobs got a bit of a break, and by the next morning, I was at least able to nurse again without crying from the pain.

After being checked out by the hospital’s pediatrician, we were finally given the green light to go home that day. We had a few other things to take care of first, including a newborn photo shoot, hearing test and visit from a lactation nurse, but by 1 p.m. we were finally on our way home!

I sat with Theo in the back seat of the car and remember being so terrified of every other car on the road. I think it’s going to be a while before I feel comfortable with him in the car. When we got home, my brother and sister-in-law had decorated the entryway with balloons and welcome home signs.

I can’t even describe how good it felt to be home. We introduced Theo to the dogs, which went beautifully. They were mildly curious, but ignored him for the most part. An ideal situation, really. They have plenty of time to become friends.

Since we’ve been home, we’ve had plenty of visitors, which is great since it’s given us something to look forward to (and a reason to shower!) each day. We’ve also hardly cooked anything since bringing Theo home since everyone keeps bringing us food. My parents flew in on the following Saturday, and while my dad could only stay for a few days, my mom is staying for three weeks and has been spending most of her time with us. It’s been nice having the extra help since D went back to work and Theo has gotten plenty of grandma time.

As I mentioned earlier, we had a bit of a rough start with breastfeeding. Once we got the latch issues corrected, the next dilemma we faced was a narcoleptic nurser. Every time I would put him to the breast he would take about 2-3 sucks and be out like a light. I would spend the remainder of our nursing session trying to wake him/keep him awake. I mistakenly assumed he was still getting enough milk, until he was weighed at his first pediatrician visit the day after we were released. While it’s normal for babies to lose some weight in the first few days, Theo lost almost a full pound, which was concerning to our pediatrician. Actually, our first clue that something may be wrong was the night before when we saw what looked like blood in his diaper. We were pretty worried and called the pediatrician on call and were told they were uric acid crystals, a symptom of dehydration.

So our pediatrician told us feed every 2-3 hours round the clock, even if it meant waking him, and to do everything possible to keep him awake while eating. We had another weight check two days later, followed by a third check two days after that, and a final check a week after that, and I’m happy to report he is gaining weight like a champ. It’s still a bit of a challenge to keep him awake at the breast, but he’s getting better. He’s now back to his birth weight and we were given the green light to feed on demand now. He still usually wakes on his own every 2-3 hours, but we’ve gotten an occasional 4 hour stretch at night, which feels like heaven… that is, until I wake up and my boobs feel like they’re going to burst if I don’t feed him immediately!

Other milestones these three weeks have included his first grocery store trip, his first shopping trip to Nordstrom (mama needed some new bras!), and our first dinner out (I had been dying to eat sushi again, but we tried somewhere new and it was a bit disappointing). He’s been to Target, the vehicle emissions station, and we even took him on a 2-hour drive to our friends’ cabin in Cle Elum for the day. He does great in the car and hardly fusses when we’re out, with the exception of a minor meltdown once in the Target parking lot. Turns out he was just hungry, so I hopped into the backseat, whipped out the nursing cover and took care of that problem. Overall he’s a very happy baby, with the exception of his “witching hour” (he tends to get fussy in the evenings). At first it was between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m., and it’s gradually been shifting earlier and earlier. Now he usually starts fussing around 7 or 8 and calms down around 11 p.m. or midnight. It’s frustrating to try to get him to calm down when we are dead tired and ready for bed around 10, but it means he usually sleeps pretty well after midnight and we can get some sleep too. He still wakes to eat, but will go right back to sleep afterward with little to no fussing. The great news is that he really likes to sleep in, so what I lose at the beginning of the night, I can usually make up in the mornings, and we’ve been sleeping in until 9 or 10 most mornings. Since D is back at work and I have the boobs, I end up with the night shift. Once I go back to work and we’ve introduced a bottle we may start sharing night duties.

Okay, this is turning into another marathon post, so I’ll cut it off here. I will try to write more often so I can keep these posts shorter! I’ll leave you with some more photos from the past three weeks.

All dressed up in honor of Daddy's first day back at work. — All dressed up in honor of Daddy’s first day back at work.

First bath - loved it! — First real bath – loved it!

friends & family, health & body, loss, pregnancy, pregnancy, week-by-week

33/34 weeks (and maternity photos!)

March 25, 2013March 25, 2013 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

Buckle down… this is sure to be a long post! I’ve been slacking on my weekly updates, so I’m going to combine my 33 and 34 week updates. We also got maternity photos taken, and there’s just been a lot going on in general these last couple weeks.

First off, exciting news – we found out my brother and his wife are expecting a baby in November! It’s still early and they aren’t telling many people yet, but I figure it’s okay to write about it here since anyone who reads this blog either already knows, or doesn’t even know my brother and his wife. I’m very excited for them, and I absolutely love the idea of having cousins just six months apart. Not to mention, they live about 5 minutes away from us and we see each other quite often, so it will be fun to get together for playdates and will also be convenient for exchanging babysitting duties.

I will admit, though, that hearing their news dredged up a lot of old feelings, too. When they told us the news, they were only 7 weeks along and hadn’t even had their first doctor appointment yet. I’m always scared for people whenever someone announces a pregnancy early, and the fact that they’re right at the point where we lost our first baby just hits really close to home. Of course, I want nothing more than to be excited for them, but a big part of me is so reserved in that excitement since miscarriage is so common (1 in 3-4) and I know firsthand just how hard it is. D mentioned to me the other day that he too always gets nervous for people when they announce their pregnancies early. We’ve actually had a few friends recently who have announced to us sooner than the standard 12 weeks, and while we’re always nothing but smiles and excitement for them on the outside, deep down we’re both thinking, gee, I hope it works out. It’s just amazing how much your perspective changes when you’re been on the wrong end of a statistic before. I always knew I’d never again have a naive, carefree pregnancy, but I’ve been surprised at just how much our loss has impacted my ability to get excited over other peoples’ pregnancies too. Anyway, not to get all doom-and-gloom. I really am so excited for my brother and his wife, but I think I will be able to breathe a little easier once they’ve actually had an ultrasound and cleared the first trimester.

With that out of the way, here’s what’s happening with baby and me these last couple weeks…

Baby is now almost 5 lbs! Holy moly. That’s almost the size of a “real” baby. He is continuing to put on more fat and is just … everywhere these days. I can feel him kick my ribs, punch my bladder and tickle my sides, all at the same time. Sometimes I swear I’m gestating an octopus and not a human because I can’t even keep track of which appendage is where, although my doctor did confirm at my last appointment that he is head down, so that at least gives me some frame of what’s where (though he still can technically flip at this point, so I’m told not to put too much stock into where his position was at last appointment). Also happening this week is continued maturation of his central nervous system and lungs, which are getting him ready for life on the outside. Hard to believe I’ll be holding him in my arms in around 6(ish) weeks. Also really hard to let go of any control I have on the timing of his arrival! Could be much sooner or up to two weeks later than his scheduled appearance. As someone who’s always been a huge planner, this is really hard for me to accept. To prepare for worst case scenario, I’ve been frantically checking things off my to-do list in preparation for a possible early arrival (am I nesting, perhaps?). I have my hospital bag mostly packed (minus some stuff we still need to buy if we don’t get them from our baby shower this weekend), I’ve washed all the baby’s sheets, blankets and clothes, and I’m going to get keys made this week to give to a couple people who could watch our dogs if we were to go into labor. Still hoping baby is punctual and arrives at least close to his due date, but at the very least I hope he doesn’t come this week, as D is in Arizona and I have my baby shower on Saturday! I was able to capture a cool video earlier this week of baby in action. He is quite the active boy, and I have a feeling we may have our hands full with this little guy!

Mama is feeling larger than ever. At my last appointment I was measuring two weeks “ahead” — which doesn’t really mean anything besides the fact that my belly is 2 cm larger than it “should” be at this point. The doctor said that really anything within 3 cm in either direction is normal, though. Your fundal height typically correlates in centimeters to the number of weeks you are, so at 32 weeks, my belly should have been 32 cm and it was 34. But large belly aside, I’m still doing pretty well on my weight gain. I gained 1.4 lbs between weeks 32 and 33, and then actually lost a pound between weeks 33 and 34. Total weight gain is currently at 21.6. If I keep up my pound-per-week average, I can expect to have gained around 28 lbs when all is said and done, and 25-35 is the recommended amount, so I’m happy with that. I’m not looking forward to a crazy flabby postpartum body, but hopefully the weight comes off quickly. I’m thinking this summer may call for a one-piece bathing suit and a lot of maxi dresses, though! My back is still achy with occasional sciatic pain, and despite having had two prenatal massages now, it doesn’t seem to be going away. I got some more spa gift cards from my parents and my in-laws for my birthday, so I will try to squeeze in a couple more massages before baby gets here, anyway. Even if they don’t eliminate the back pain, it sure feels nice to get pampered!

Oh, and in other exciting news, I think we’ve finally decided on a name. It was actually a name that I originally loved but D didn’t really like that much. He’s been warming up to it though, and last week he told me there’s nothing out there he likes any better, so he agreed to go with that name and then surprised me by saying he actually had strong feelings about which middle name he wanted to go with. So with a first name that I love and a middle name that he wants, I think we’re actually set! We won’t be sharing until he’s here, and I told D I’m still open to changing it between now and the birth if he finds himself suddenly inspired by a different name, but it feels really good to have that checked off the list.

To wrap up this already long post, here are some maternity photos from last weekend. I’m really happy with how they turned out, and I’m thinking of printing a few to frame in the house, including putting one of the close-up belly shots in the nursery and the one with the dogs somewhere prominently in our house too.

friends & family, health & body, pregnancy, pregnancy, week-by-week

32 weeks.

March 11, 2013March 11, 2013 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

32 weeks down, 8 more to go. But who’s counting?

Earlier this week, I ordered some ridiculously cute cloth diapers from Zulily. I am really hoping to be able to make cloth diapers work for us. From people I’ve talked to, it doesn’t seem to be that much harder than using disposables, but since D is still apprehensive about it, I know his tolerance for any troubleshooting or inconvenience is going to be a lot lower than mine. But look how cute these are! I couldn’t resist.

On Thursday we went to a meet and greet at the pediatrician’s office we’re considering. I’m glad we went, even if it wasn’t the most informative thing ever. It was good to see the offices, meet a couple of the doctors and hear about their policies and procedures. Inevitably, in a group setting like that, though, there is always one person who asks all the dumb questions. Actually, I think there were about three of “those people” in this group. One guy seriously couldn’t understand what to do if your kid gets sick after hours. For the record, the procedure is to call the office and get transferred to the on-call doctor, who will tell you whether you need to be seen now (i.e., go to urgent care or the ER), or be seen when the office opens up again. Seemed pretty straightforward to us (besides, isn’t that how pretty much all doctor’s offices operate?), but apparently this warranted several more follow-up questions from this guy on how an on-call system works. (::facepalm::)

On Friday night we went up to the lake cabin with some friends, and that was fun, although everyone else had a lot to drink (as often happens at the cabin!) and let’s just say sleeping in a smaller bed than we’re used to (full size versus king), when uncomfortable and pregnant and dealing with a drunk, snoring bed hog was not fun! At one point I tried to get D to roll over to give me some room, but he was out to the world. I even tried to roll him myself, but he was completely dead weight. So I had to push with all my strength and I ended up rolling him off the bed altogether. He was pretty mad at the time for the rude awakening, but we all got a good laugh about it the next morning and at least I got some space so I could actually sleep! It ended up being a really nice day on Saturday, and the lake was just gorgeous. Really looking forward to having our little one grow up with memories of the lake cabin like I did. Crazy to think that the next time we get up there, he might be here!

On Sunday I volunteered at the Seattle Kennel Club Dog Show and that was fun. I got to see some of the gals from the rescue group that I hadn’t seen in a while. I did notice that being on my feet completely wiped me out, though, and when I got home in the early afternoon, I fell asleep on the couch and didn’t move from until around 7 p.m.!

Okay, long intro aside, here’s what’s going on with baby and me this week…

Baby is now somewhere between 3.5 and 4.5 lbs and between 16 and 19 inches inches long, depending on which book/website you’re reading. Seeing as babies can vary greatly at their birth weight/length, I’m starting to think this growth range is only going to get even more ambiguous as we reach the end. Suffice to day, he’s getting big and running out of room! I’m still feeling “feet” in my ribs, and “elbows” in my hip bone simultaneously (though that’s just my best guess as to which end is jabbing me), so I know he’s taking up a lot of room in there. He also likes to stretch every now and then, which is the weirdest feeling and kind of uncomfortable, as it feels like I’m about to burst from the inside out. I think I felt him hiccuping yesterday for the first time too. I’ve heard a lot of women talk about baby hiccups, but until yesterday I don’t think I’ve been able to feel them. But yesterday I felt little rhythmic taps that came every few seconds and lasted several minutes, so I think they were hiccups. Big milestone this week is the development of his own immune system.

Mama is large and in charge. I’m up 2 lbs this week for a total gain now of 21.2 lbs. Ideally I’d like to keep my weight gain closer to one pound per week instead of two, and I know I have only myself to blame for this week. I can’t seem to lay off the sweets! My sweet tooth has been seriously out of control lately, it’s ridiculous. I used to sort of roll my eyes at pregnancy cravings, thinking women use it as an excuse (and I’m sure many do), but I can see now that sometimes you just really HAVE to have something… and now! Heartburn seems to be getting worse lately, and I’ve had the worst restless legs too. Sciatic pain has mostly gone away, thank goodness, though my back still feels really achy when I’ve been sitting or laying for a while. I feel like an old lady when I get up. This morning I felt absolutely nauseous on the bus, and it has come back off and on a few times today. Hopefully this isn’t the return of morning sickness.

This week should be pretty busy for us on the baby front. We have a doctor appointment on Thursday, our birth class on Saturday, and then we’re getting maternity pictures taken on Sunday (weather permitting!). Looking forward to having something besides these iPhone selfies to show for this pregnancy!

friends & family, health & body, musings, pregnancy, pregnancy, week-by-week

30 weeks.

February 25, 2013 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

Can’t believe I’m in the home stretch. I don’t know why, but it feels like a big deal going from 29 weeks to 30 weeks. Maybe that’s because you often hear about babies born at 30something weeks. Obviously we want to keep him baking until as close to 40 as possible, but it wouldn’t be abnormal for him to come around 37 or 38 weeks, either. We’re in the 30s, folks. Just crazy to think about.

My parents came over on Saturday evening — their last night in town before they started their move to Texas Sunday morning. It was nice to spend the evening with them and to see them off, but sad to see them go. They’ll be back a couple weeks after the baby is born, though, which will be nice, and then I think we’re going to try to make it down there for Thanksgiving this year (baby’s first plane trip – yikes!). Thankfully they’ll only be in Texas for two years and then my dad will retire and they’ll move up here again permanently.

Had a nice walk around Greenlake yesterday with my friend Molly, whom I used to work with. She is due in just three days! They are also having a boy. It’s fun to be able to talk about pregnancy stuff with other people who are going through it. After I got home, I parked myself in front of the TV and ended up falling asleep for several hours! I almost never nap on the couch (I’m one of those picky sleepers who can only fall asleep in my own bed), but the long walk and the cold air must have really taken it out of me. I’m definitely feeling myself slowing down. I woke up a few hours later and watched the Oscar red carpet coverage, and then D got home from snowboarding and we watched the Oscars. It was overall a pretty lazy Sunday, which was nice.

Okay, here’s what’s going on at 30 weeks…

Baby is about 16-18 inches long and weighs about 3 lbs. He should be surrounded by approximately a pint and a half of amniotic fluid, though that amount will peak soon before it slowly starts decreasing as he gets bigger and takes up more room. Brain activity is picking up speed this week, and his eyesight is developing more, even though he can’t really see anything from his current point of view! I learned today that babies are born with about 20/400 eyesight, which means they can’t see much beyond a few inches from their face.

Mama is feeling large. As you can see below, I snapped a picture last week wearing the same outfit I wore in my 18 week photo. The scary thing is, I remember feeling large at 18 weeks, and looking back on that photo makes me miss my old body. Look how small I was! This distorted perspective actually makes me very scared of how big I’ll be in another 10 weeks! Will I be looking back at my 30 week photo thinking I was small?! Yikes! The sciatic pain seems to have diminished for the most part (knock on wood), though I did notice it came back on Saturday after vacuuming the house. Gained 1 lb. this week for a total now of 18 lbs. Still no stretch marks, but stomach muscles are still very achy, especially after I eat. On Saturday evening I sneezed and felt like I actually pulled a muscle in my side. Super painful. I think I’m just out of room. Hopefully my muscles loosen up at some point and allow me to stretch some more, since clearly I am going to get quite a bit bigger in the next 10 weeks!

friends & family, health & body, house, pregnancy, pregnancy, week-by-week

28 weeks.

February 12, 2013 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

We had our first baby shower on Sunday, which was a lot of fun. It was for family, and we had about 15 people at my house. We got a lot of really great stuff, including our crib and mattress from my parents, and our car seat from D’s dad and step mom. Feels nice to have some of the big ticket items checked off our list. We also got a lot of diapers, including six cloth diapers, so we are on our way to building up our cloth diaper supply! I really want to do cloth diapers for when we’re at home, at least. Our daycare will only take disposables, but the preschool/daycare we’re going to transfer him to once he reaches a year of age will take cloth diapers, so then we can be in them full time. Better for the environment, more cost-effective in the long-run (though pricey to build up your stash initially) – and plus, look how cute?! It really was a fun day and I know my mom put a lot of work into throwing the shower. That was probably the last time we’ll see my parents until after the baby’s born, so it was sad to see them leave at the end of the day.

Okay, here’s what’s happening with baby and me at 28 weeks…

Baby is now about 2.5 lbs and 16 inches long – or as one pregnancy blog puts it: about the size of a chihuahua. Crazy to think he still needs to gain about 4-6 lbs. Where is he going to fit?

Mama is stuffed to the max (side note, did you know the slang for pregnant in England is “stuffed?”). Still no stretch marks, thankfully, but my ab muscles ache every time I eat. I’m clearly running out of room for baby and all my organs, so adding any volume in the way of food just makes my body ache. Does that mean I eat less? Nah. I just complain about it more after I do. Weight gain for the week is .4 lbs. for a total now of 15 lbs. even. I know I’m doing well with my weight gain, but I still feel huge. I also think it’s starting to show in my face now, after seeing pictures from my baby shower. 😦

Sciatic pain is still there, but possibly less now than it was. I think the combination of sitting on an exercise ball at work and sleeping on a new mattress have helped things some. I was supposed to get a massage on Sunday morning, but that didn’t happen. I went through the entire process of checking into the spa, changing into my robe, and was sitting in the little waiting area feeling all zen like, when the receptionist came back to me and said she was sorry but my massage therapist just called and had a family emergency and wouldn’t be coming in today. Unfortunately, they had no one else that does prenatal massages, so they would have to reschedule. Uh… glad they told me this after I was already in my freaking robe?? They were super apologetic and said that they’d comp my massage and even upgrade me to a 90 minute, but still… I was really looking forward to that massage on Sunday! Super disappointing. So now they are trying to figure out when to get me in, since apparently that particular massage therapist won’t be working for them anymore. “Family emergency,” huh?

Speaking of family emergencies, I also got a call from my doctor’s office yesterday that my OB had a family emergency and won’t be back at work until April! I’m guessing this is a real emergency and I’m sad for her, as I can only imagine what sort of event would cause someone to take a whole two months off. 😦 So I’ll see either her nurse practitioner or another doctor in the practice for my next 4 appointments. This actually isn’t all bad, since I’ll be delivered by whoever is on call anyway, so it’s probably good that I meet some other doctors in her practice. I am a bit sad, though, as I really liked that doctor and I feel bad for whatever she must be going through right now. At least my pregnancy is going smoothly and I’m not too worried about anything in particular, otherwise I think I’d be freaking out right about now. And she should be back for my final month of pregnancy.

That’s about all that’s going on at the moment! Here’s a picture of D and me before the baby shower on Sunday, at exactly 28 weeks, in front of our new crib! Also a sneak peek at the nursery, which I am still planning to write a post on one of these days. I still need to make a crib skirt and get a rug to tie the room together, and then we should be pretty much done!

dreams, friends & family, health & body, loss, pregnancy, pregnancy, week-by-week

27 weeks.

February 4, 2013 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

A couple nights ago I had a dream that I went in for my 28 week appointment and our baby no longer had a heartbeat. It was devastating, to have to relive our loss all over again, only this time having to break the news to everyone. In my dream, I was in some sort of a school, and in each classroom were people from different areas of my life (family, college friends, people from work, etc.), and I remember just being numb as I had to go to each room and announce that we were no longer pregnant (in my dream, I had already had a D&C again by the time I told everyone, which is odd, since if I were to lose this baby now, I’d actually have to give birth this late in the game). In my dream, dealing with everyone else’s grief was one of the worst parts about the whole experience. Everyone cried and demanded to know why it had happened, and I had no answers. All I wanted to do was run away from everyone so I could actually address my own grief without feeling like I had to take care of everyone else’s feelings. I woke up and had that weird half-still-in-my-dream moment where I wasn’t sure if it had all been real or a dream. I felt the baby move, realized it had all been a dream, and then I just started sobbing. Even after I was fully awake and well-aware it wasn’t real, I just couldn’t stop crying.

On a lighter note, I had a very productive weekend working on the nursery. I bought some pegboard and painted it with a chevron pattern and hung that above the changing table, and I finished the crib mobile I started a few weeks ago. I also painted a canvas to hang on the wall with some song lyrics I love and started a few other DIY things that I’ll give an update on later. I was feeling super crafty and productive this weekend. Pretty much all we need now is a crib and a rug (and a baby, of course!). I know I keep saying this, but one of these days I am going to get around to doing a post on the nursery decor. I really am happy about how it’s coming together!

Okay, so here’s what’s happening with baby and me at 27 weeks…

Baby is about 2 lbs. and 15 inches long now. That’s almost as long as a full-term baby – now he just needs to beef up! His eyelids can now open and close (they had been fused shut since about 11 or 12 weeks), and he has all five senses developed. I’ve even read he can start developing preferences on taste, as my amniotic fluid (which he is constantly swallowing) will taste different depending on what I eat that day. Baby is is kicking up a storm and I’m still loving it. I read that now is when kicks can start getting painful, but so far they aren’t (knock on wood), though I wouln’t say they’re subtle anymore either! I wonder how much the non-painful kicking has to do with my anterior placenta. Next appointment is Friday the 15th, where I’ll take my Gestational Diabetes test. Let’s hope all the sweets I’ve been craving (and giving into) lately haven’t sent me into a diabetic state!

Mama is officially in the third trimester now! Crazy how fast time seems to be moving. The first trimester dragged on forever, but the second feels like it just flew by, and suddenly I am in the third. Wow! Countdown to baby is now just 90 days. And we still don’t have a name, thanks to D’s indecisiveness. I actually have one that I love but D didn’t initially like. We came up with about 5 others that we would both be okay with, but every time I try to talk to D about which ones I like more than others, hoping to narrow it down further, he freezes up and says he can’t make a decision, and that none of them really feel like “the one” to him. Though he did say that the one I liked most (that he initially wasn’t crazy about) might have “a slight advantage over the others” since I like it so much. I’m trying not to push him too hard to go with that name since he originally didn’t like it, but secretly I’m hoping it continues to grow on him. But honestly, I’d really be okay with any of the names we’ve narrowed it down to. I am just ready to make a decision already – or at least feel like we’re moving towards a decision. At this rate, we’ll be deciding in the hospital. Oh well — at least this way I can easily skirt the name question since we honestly don’t know. We don’t plan on sharing with anyone until after he’s here, anyway.

I’m still dealing with some pretty bad sciatic pain. Honestly, that has been my only major complaint this pregnancy. I haven’t gained too much weight (1.4 lbs this week for a total so far of 14.6 lbs.), I still have quite a bit of energy, no swelling, no stretch marks. Really, if it weren’t for this darn sciatic pain and a large belly, I’d hardly even notice that I was pregnant. I started sitting on an exercise ball at work last week, and I think that’s helping some. I’ve also booked a prenatal massage for this weekend, so hopefully that helps too. Speaking of the large belly, I’m starting to get more and more comments from strangers asking when I’m due, which for some reason always catches me off-guard. I’m still not used to the idea that other people can tell I’m pregnant, for some reason. I guess it’s because depending on the outfit, I still feel like I just look like I’ve had too many hamburgers. Plus, I’ve had numerous occasions where I’ve had to stand on the bus without anyone offering me their seat, so I do think that with my coat on, sometimes you can’t tell. Either that or people are just selfish. Although, I did notice last week that one of my jackets only covers about half of my belly. 😐 I guess I just never look at myself in the mirror after I put my coat on in the mornings, but last week I stopped in the bathroom at work before dropping my stuff off in my office, and realized it may be time to retire this particular jacket, even if I can still zip it. Not the most flattering look!

Without coat. (Good lord, my boobs are almost the size of my head.)

friends & family, health & body, pregnancy, pregnancy, week-by-week

15 weeks.

November 12, 2012November 12, 2012 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

As of yesterday I am now 15 weeks along in my pregnancy. 25 more to go! Time seems to be going by a little bit faster now. I think getting the doppler was a good decision. I’ve used it twice now, but thankfully I’m not as obsessive about it as I was afraid I’d get. At least so far. The nice thing is that it doesn’t make the 4-5 week stretch between doctor appointments feel as long or daunting. Our next appointment is two weeks away, but it’s nice to feel like I don’t have to wait two weeks to find out if our baby is still okay, which is the feeling I was dealing with previously. Now, if I have any doubts, I can easily check its heartbeat any time I want, and that’s both comforting and puts a little less pressure and worry on the appointment days.

At 15 weeks…

Baby is approximately 4 inches long now – about the size of an apple – and is now busy “breathing” amniotic fluid. Legs are finally longer than its arms, which is making baby look more proportionate. Also, baby can now sense light, and can hear. Super cool. In fact, one of the apps I have on my phone told me that if I shine a flashlight at my belly, baby will probably move away from the light. Is it bad that I’m tempted to pester the kid to see if I can feel it? Most people start feeling movement around 16-18 weeks, but some people feel it as early as 14 weeks. I haven’t felt anything yet…

Mama is maybepossiblyknockonwood starting to feel better? I fed the dogs all weekend and this morning without any gag reactions. Still did gag once in the shower this morning, and full on threw up when I was emptying the food compost container yesterday, but I do think the gagging/barfing episodes are getting fewer and farther between. I think I might be going through a growth spurt, because the hunger has cranked up to nuclear level and I’ve had a LOT of round ligament pain these last couple days. I’m definitely starting to show more. I saw D’s sister, step sister and step mom yesterday and they all commented on my belly.

I met up with a friend for lunch on Saturday and she lent me all her maternity clothes, which is awesome! I also bought myself a couple things this weekend, so I finally feel like I have more to wear that fits me appropriately. Some of the stuff I borrowed is still too big or just looks frumpy without a belly to fill it out, but I’m sure I’ll appreciate that stuff when I’m bigger. I’m wearing a couple of the borrowed items today, including maternity jeans, a maternity top, and then my own cardigan over it. Feeling pretty comfortable. I can already see that it may be hard to give up the elastic band pants after I have the baby!

friends & family, health & body, pregnancy, pregnancy, week-by-week

13 weeks.

October 30, 2012 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

I’m a couple days late on this week’s update. Things are going pretty much the same as last week, other than being out in the open now! Yep, after a great 12 week checkup last week, we came out to everyone, including work. That went better than I expected. I knew my boss and coworkers would be happy for me on a personal level, but I was worried about how they’d take the news from a professional standpoint, since the elephant in the room of any workplace pregnancy announcement is the upcoming maternity leave, and I work for a very small company. But they were really happy for me – hugs all around, and they’ve been joking around with me and asking questions about how I’m doing. We also came out on Facebook this week, with the following photo:

It was both terrifying and liberating to do so, and it was so nice to read everyone’s “congrats” and “you’ll make great parents” comments. One thing that stung was that a few people posted stuff like “it’s about time.” Yes, I know we waited a while to start our family (we’ve been married for 8 and a half years), but it’s not like we just snapped our fingers yesterday and it happened, either. We’ve been through the toughest year in our lives, between the miscarriage and having trouble conceiving since. I know people who made those comments meant well (they don’t know what we’ve been through), but it stung nonetheless.

But now, onto week 13…

Baby is now the size of a lemon. I’m starting to get annoyed at some of the fruit comparisons. I mean, is a lemon really larger than a plum? It all seems pretty subjective! Either way, baby is moving almost constantly at this point, though I won’t be able to feel it for a few more weeks. I am so looking forward to that! Baby is also growing hair this week – on its head, eyebrows, and a fine layer all over its body called lanugo, that will mostly be gone by the time its born. Baby also has its own set of fingerprints now, which is kind of cool, and the head is in better proportion to the body — about a third of its body size now, compared to half, which it was just last week.

Mama is feeling about the same. All the books and websites say nausea should be starting to subside, but I haven’t seen any signs of that yet, unfortunately. I do think I’m starting to feel a bit more energetic, though. I went to a prenatal yoga class for the first time last weekend and loved it! Unfortunately, I won’t be able to go this weekend since I’m meeting a friend for brunch (who I just found out also happens to be expecting!), but I’m looking forward to hopefully making prenatal yoga a regular occurrence. I’ve started experiencing sciatic pain, and I’m hoping yoga will help that. I’m definitely starting to show more, and my brother even commented on it a few days ago. I mostly just look fatter, so I’m definitely looking forward to the day that it’s obvious there’s a baby in there and not cheeseburgers. Interestingly, despite my chunkier appearance, I still haven’t seen a change on the scale. Not that I’m complaining – there is still plenty of time for weight gain!

13weeks — Belly shot just before yoga class. Pardon the no makeup and bed head.

friends & family, health & body, house, loss, musings, pregnancy

10 things Tuesday…

October 9, 2012 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

I stole the title of this post from another website. Just seemed like an appropriate way to round up some random thoughts/experiences I’ve had lately.

Pregnancy brain is in full effect. Last night I went to the grocery store and on my way out, fished my car keys out of my purse and pointed the clicker at the sliding doors of the store. You know, to open them? Um, yeah…
Went to our usual taco truck for lunch today with coworkers (we go every Tuesday). It didn’t really sound that great to me, but I was hungry and didn’t have a good excuse for not going with them, so I went. I figured once I ordered my usual quesadilla I would gobble it right up like normal. Nope. For some reason it tasted disgusting today. I couldn’t eat more than a few bites, no matter how hard I tried. I’m still hungry, now slightly nauseated, and cranky because I didn’t just go somewhere else like my gut (literally) was telling me to.
I’m on a bagel kick for breakfast lately – especially blueberry. I know it’s not the lowest calorie breakfast I could be eating, but I’ve only gained about a pound and a half so far, so I’m going to cut myself some slack. It also seems to be the only thing that keeps me full until lunch. Come to think of it, a blueberry bagel sounds damn good right now, after my ~~disappointing~~ revolting quesadilla.
When I stopped at the grocery store for my morning bagel today, they were giving away free cookies. I ate that cookie around 9:30 a.m. Sounded like a good idea at the time, but then the nausea hit and I immediately regretted that decision. Come to think of it, that may have contributed to my lunchtime aversions.
D found out yesterday he has shingles. Ouch. He is a tough guy and never complains when he’s sick, always powers through it and goes to work, etc… and he is home on the couch in a lot of pain right now. I was a little concerned when we found out, but I called my doctor and she says since I’ve already had the chicken pox (it’s the same virus), that it’s not contagious to me or the baby… but that I shouldn’t touch any rash or sores just in case. So I washed all our bedding in hot water last night and poor D had to sleep with a shirt on (it’s on his chest, side and back). He never sleeps in a shirt, which I’m sure that only added to his discomfort. I hope he gets better soon, but I have heard it can take quite a while to run its course. Poor guy.
13 days until our next doctor appointment. It can’t come soon enough. On the other hand, after that appointment is when we plan to start letting the cat out of the bag for real, and that terrifies me to death too.
I’m conflicted over how I want to handle my next doctor appointment, work-wise. For our last appointment (which was on a Friday), I took a personal day and told work I had some friends coming into town (which was also true). After our first pregnancy and ultrasound resulted in a loss, I knew there was no way I’d be able to go back to work if it were bad news. I’m glad I did that again this last time too, because even though it was good news, going back to work was just one less thing to stress about. Plus, it avoided the “I have a doctor appointment” conversation, which, when you’re a woman in prime child bearing years, seems to always raise pregnancy suspicions. Not that I’m that concerned about this next appointment raising suspicions, since I’m planning on coming clean afterward anyway, but if it does turn out to be bad news, there’s no way I’d be able to return to work afterward. I do have plenty of days off I need to use up by the end of the year, so it’s not like I can’t take a day off – I’m just not sure what I say when coworkers ask what my plans are. I can’t outright lie, especially since I’ll be outing myself as soon as I get back. I think as of now I’m just planning to be truthful and tell them I have a doctor appointment and I’ll be in late. If worse comes to worst, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I’m wearing a belly band at work today for the first time. Sooo much more comfortable while sitting down, though I now have to hike up my pants after I stand up. Clearly it’s not a perfect solution, but it’s better than the muffin top my pants give me while buttoned, not to mention the uncomfortable indentations in my belly when I sit.
I have a major case of paranoia and I feel like my coworkers just KNOW I’m knocked up, even though I don’t think I’ve done anything to tip them off. Sure, I haven’t been drinking coffee lately, but that change also coincided with our move and I had mentioned to them that I’ll probably need to start drinking coffee at home before work in order to survive the commute. Other than that, I can’t imagine what would give them the idea. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid.
I have no idea what we’re going to do for Halloween this year. Our friends are having a 1994-themed party. We were thinking of trying to incorporate some sort of a pregnancy announcement into the costumes, but can’t come up with anything, given the theme. Too bad our friends didn’t do this theme last year – our costumes would have been perfect.

Well, that’s all for now!

friends & family, health & body, pregnancy, pregnancy, week-by-week

9 weeks.

October 1, 2012October 1, 2012 Keeping up with the Hoffmans

I never thought I’d get to write this post. I can’t believe we’ve made it this far! I still have days where I’m terrified it’s going to be taken away from me again, but in general, the more time goes on, the more confident I feel.

The biggest news right now is that we had our official ultrasound last Friday and everything looks GREAT. The baby is measuring right on track and had a nice fast heartbeat. It was also moving around and looked more like a gummy bear than a blob, and has almost doubled in size since the previous ultrasound, just 11 days earlier.

At 9 weeks…

Baby is about the size of a grape or green olive. It’s officially no longer an embryo and is now a fetus. The tail is now officially gone and the organs, muscles and nerves are starting to function. It actually has external sex organs already, but we won’t be able to find out if it’s a boy or girl until around 20 weeks. The eyes and eyelids are formed now, and are fused shut until around 27 weeks. Baby also has earlobes and now has a distinct mouth, nose and nostrils. The next step is rapid weight gain. It’ll be the size of a prune this time next week.

Mama was very sick this morning. I couldn’t stop gagging and heaving the entire time I was getting ready for work. Brushing my teeth was the worst part and that actually made me throw up. I was worried I wouldn’t make it on the bus, but I did okay. Instead of catching the second bus when I got into downtown, though, I just opted to walk the rest of the way. The fresh air felt nice. My pants are so uncomfortably tight today. I’m holding off on buying maternity clothes until I truly need them. I’m not really “showing” yet, per se, but I’m so bloated that I’m just looking and feeling fatter. I may treat myself to some nice jeans in a bigger size, even though I won’t be able to wear them for long. I’ll need them after I have the baby too, while I work on losing the baby weight. That’s how I justify the purchase!

I’m excited that we’re now past our loss milestone, and I really am starting to feel more confident. D is taking a while longer to warm up, but he did tell his sister this weekend, which I think made things feel a little more real to him. And we went out to dinner last night with my brother and sister in law (who know), and D was talking to them about our ultrasound. I think he’s coming around, albeit a little slower than I am. Not that I can blame him – he’s not feeling the daily effects of the pregnancy and only has the previous experience to compare it to. I can’t wait until our 12 week appointment (countdown: 21 days!), because then we’ll truly be able to let the cat out of the bag!