Add to the list of things that make me nauseated these days: walking. Seriously.
Ironically, being in a vehicle – or even reading in a vehicle – doesn’t bother me a bit. But walking to and from the bus or work, all I can do is take deep breaths to stop myself from yakking on the street.
Pregnancy is weird.
As of yesterday I am officially six weeks pregnant. Halfway done with the first trimester… well, sort of, considering the two freebie weeks in the beginning. This week has felt similar to last, only… more. More nauseated, more bloated, more emotional.
Week 6
How big is baby? The size of a sweet pea (or a lentil, depending on which website you’re reading).
Milestones this week: Baby is starting to form a nose, mouth and ears – it has a FACE! Holy crap. Arms and legs are also starting to protrude, but at this point are still just little nubs. It’s morphing from a tadpole shape to something that resembles more of a shrimp, but, you know… with nubs. The heart should be beating about 100 to 160 times per minute, which is about twice the rate of a grown person’s. The intestine and lungs are forming, as are the rest of the brain, muscles and bones. Wow, that’s a lot in one week!
Symptoms: Ugh. As I mentioned earlier, similar to last week, only worse. The nausea has turned into actual puking nearly every morning in the shower – or rather, I would be puking if there was anything in my stomach. And the bloating? I thought last week was bad, but clearly it’s gotten worse. Believe it or not, I am sucking in my stomach as best I can in the photo above and I still look way pudgier than last week’s photo. It’s not quite a baby bump yet, since the actual baby isn’t what’s making it pooch. It’s just bloat. A blump, if you will.
Something that scared me a little earlier in the week was the tiniest bit of spotting. It wasn’t much at all, and I know some spotting is considered normal, but it was enough to freak me out a little, since I also know spotting can be the first sign of miscarriage. So naturally, I got a little emotional about it.
Speaking of emotional, I also may or may not have had a complete waterworks meltdown in the kitchen last night because D gets to go out and drink with his friends and I have to keep blowing mine off and making excuses because it’s too hard to be inconspicuous. Not to mention my boobs are sore and I’m queasy all the time and his life isn’t affected for another eight months and why can’t he be more supportive?! And then of course, I started laughing at myself, because I knew how ridiculous I sounded but still couldn’t stop the tears. Yeah, I’m a mess.
What I miss: Again, being honest with people. I’m tired of turning down happy hours or making excuses for why I can’t go to the football game tonight. Yes, I realize I could still just go, but everyone is tailgating ahead of time and it would be way too obvious if I wasn’t drinking.
What I’m looking forward to: Our first appointment! I just want to see the heartbeat and know everything is okay. I’m still terrified every day of losing this baby, and I know the chances of miscarriage go down dramatically after seeing the heartbeat. 16 more days…
Other stuff: I went to a baby shower today – first one since finding out we’re pregnant. Definitely did a lot more paying attention to gifts and making mental notes. A friend admitted to me that she and her husband had “pulled the goalie” and I told her we had too. I didn’t let her know we had, in fact, been successful already, but it felt good to admit at least part of the story to someone.
Five weeks until we can tell everyone, for real. Can’t come soon enough.
Or, at least that’s probably what my coworkers think now.
I got a nice bottle of wine from my boss today for my 1 year anniversary with the company. After he gave it to me he said if I wanted to open it later and share with the team, that would be fine.
Crap.
I mumbled something about how we’ll see how the day goes, but now I’m going to look like a greedy wino who doesn’t share when I take it home with me this evening.
I have alternating feelings of sheer happiness about being in job I really like with such nice coworkers… and complete and utter guilt over keeping a huge secret from them.
As I mentioned in my last post, my nausea has been coming and going lately. Supposedly it’s normal for symptoms to come and go, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying when they go. It’s not that I enjoy the nausea, but I figure as long as I’m nauseated, I’m probably still pregnant, right? I have this terrifying fear of losing the pregnancy and am always looking for some sort of reassurance that I haven’t.
Well, yesterday, not only did my nausea almost disappear entirely, but I actually got a pretty good night’s sleep last night. I only got up to pee once, and I didn’t get hungry in the middle of the night like I have been lately. While it was very nice to get some sleep, I woke up this morning feeling a little bit concerned, especially since I didn’t feel queasy at all. I’m ALWAYS queasy first thing in the morning. I even felt like I could probably feed the dogs myself without gagging, but didn’t want to test the theory. So I got in the shower, still feeling a little concerned, until… suddenly not only was my nausea back, but it was back with a vengeance and I actually got sick for the first time. Good thing I hadn’t eaten anything yet and had nothing to throw up. Now, I’m sitting at my desk staring down cup of coffee and I just can’t make myself drink it. My stomach is doing all kinds of churns and flip flops.
Hey, Baby. It’s nice to know you’re still in there.
I am now five weeks pregnant, and it feels like time is just CRAWLING. It’s hard to believe it’s only been a little over a week since we found out. We still have three weeks to go until our first appointment and ultrasound, and six weeks until we plan to tell people. Not a lot of change since last week, but here we go…
Week 5
How big is baby? The size of an appleseed. Still tiny, but from poppyseed to appleseed in one week is a lot of growth, relatively speaking!
Milestones this week: Baby no longer looks like a ball of cells, but resembles a tadpole at this stage, and is now developing the neural tube, which will eventually become the brain, spinal cord, nerves and backbone. This week, its tiny heart will begin to divide into chambers and will beat and pump blood! BLOOD. In-sane. The placenta and umbilical cord are in place now, ready to deliver nourishment and oxygen.
Symptoms: Holy bloat. I have already had to retire any tight shirts, except those worn under bulkier sweaters. I start off the day with a normal pre-pregnancy sized belly and by the end of the day, my pants are so tight and I feel like a Pudgy McFatty. Sweat pants are my new best friend, and must be immediately changed into upon returning home from work.
My boobs are so sore I can’t sleep on my stomach anymore. The tiniest bit of movement is excruciating, to the point where I have to hold onto them if I’m walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night. May have to start sleeping in a bra soon.
Speaking of middle of the night, the nighttime bathroom trips have increased in frequency, and now not only do I wake up having to pee, but I’m hungry as well. And hunger = nausea these days. Double-whammy. I tried to ignore the hunger for the first few nights, but it got to a point where the hunger and subsequent nausea were so intense they were keeping me up. So the last couple nights I’ve also had to indulge in a midnight snack, just so I could get back to sleep. Thankfully, the eating does make me sleep more soundly and I tend to wake up less to pee after I’ve had a snack.
Still drawn to healthy foods for the most part, but the midnight snack (which is usually a few saltines or tortilla chips) means that I can probably kiss that tiny bit of weight loss I experienced goodbye. But I’m okay with that. It’s probably for the best anyway.
One thing I’ve noticed that’s a bit concerning this week is that my nausea tends to come and go. Not that I enjoy being nauseated, but when it goes away, I start to worry that something may be wrong. I think I will probably be a basket case until we can get that first ultrasound and see the heartbeat in three weeks. The miscarriage rate for early pregnancies is somewhere around 20-30%, but that drops to just 3% after seeing the heartbeat.
What I miss: Sleep! And being honest with people.
What I’m looking forward to: The first appointment/seeing the heartbeat. And telling people!
Other stuff: Had a get together with my girlfriends today. We went to go see our friend’s new baby at her house. It was so good to be with the girls again, but so hard not to tell them! I had stressed out about what to do if we had drinks at this get together. I finally decided that I would go ahead and accept a drink, but just not drink it. If someone noticed and called me out on it, I’d come clean. We really don’t want to tell people yet – especially since we haven’t even told our parents! – but I wasn’t about to lie to my best friends, either. Thankfully, either no one noticed that my drink went untouched or if they did, they didn’t think anything of it. I had mentioned to them that I thought I may be coming down with a cold (which is true), so maybe they just chalked my not drinking up to not feeling well. I was sad I couldn’t hold the baby, but I didn’t want to get him sick with his fragile little immune system. So I frequently reapplied hand sanitizer and kept my distance. A bunch of the girls were going out to a bar later to watch the Coug game, but I decided to go home to rest. Maybe I’ll take a nap to make up for the lack of sleep I got last night.
Mmm… sleep.
Something I did not expect to start right away was an increase in appetite. Holy moly. I’ve never been much of a snacker (unless it’s in front of me, in which case I’ve never had any willpower), but for the most part, as long as the temptation wasn’t there, I could get away with a reasonable breakfast, lunch and dinner, and not really experience a ton of hunger in between. Well, not anymore. Now, I can’t seem to go more than 2-3 hours without getting hungry. To make matters worse, empty stomach = an increase in nausea. Isn’t pregnancy fun?
As I mentioned previously, I seem to be drawn to healthy foods so far. I wouldn’t call this a craving, but simply put, salad sounds good, while anything sweet just does not (except fruit – mmm… I bought the most delicious white nectarines the other day). I actually stepped on a scale this morning for the first time in a couple weeks, and was surprised to see that I’ve actually lost a few pounds. Must be all the healthy food. Unfortunately, I still feel like a bloated fatty and my pants are way too tight already. I’m sure the actual weight gain will catch up with me soon enough, though, especially if this new-found snacking habit keeps up…
As of yesterday, I am officially four weeks along. I’m still not used to the fact that they calculate gestational age starting from the first day of your last period, because you don’t even ovulate for about two weeks after that. So while I’ve only actually *been pregnant* for about two weeks, I’m considered four weeks along, per medical industry terminology. Weird. At any rate, I thought I would start a weekly tradition of doing a week-by-week update each Saturday, to track progress, symptoms and milestones.
Without further ado…
Week 4
How big is baby? The size of a poppyseed.
Milestones this week: This week marks the beginning of the embryonic period. Our baby is starting to grow organs. ORGANS. As in, the beginnings of its nervous system, gastrointestinal tract, pancreas, liver, thyroid, skeleton, blood system, muscles and hair. Yes, HAIR. All on a teeny tiny poppyseed.
Symptoms: A little bit of bloat, but stomach is still relatively flat. The poppyseed itself isn’t taking up much room yet, but I have heard the bloat starts early on, which can make you look farther along than you actually are. Oh goody. I’ve also had some cramping, which is a little nerve-wracking, as it feels like I’m about to start my period, but I have read that your uterus cramps and contracts in preparation for stretching about 500 times its normal size (!!!!). Other than that, my boobs are noticeably bigger and really sore and I have some heartburn and a little nausea that come and go. So far the main nausea triggers seem to be coffee, hunger (I’m hungry constantly) and the smell of dog food. The dog food is by far the worst offender, and was one of my first clues that I may be pregnant. I haven’t thrown up yet, but the morning dog feedings have repeatedly sent me running and gagging to the sink with my hand over my mouth. I’m thinking maybe D will need to take over dog feedings. Too bad he’s out of town this weekend so I’m on my own. Thankfully, despite the fact that I’m hungry often, my appetite seems smaller. I also seem to be drawn to healthier foods and have been eating salads nearly every day. Let’s hope this keeps up!
What I miss: Not having to keep secrets from everyone. This is much harder than I thought it would be. We have decided not to tell people until we’re at least close to the second trimester, and have plans to tell our parents at Thanksgiving, followed by friends a couple days later. I will admit, we have broken our self-imposed rule and told one person each. One of my friends knew we were trying and flat out asked me (I just couldn’t lie!) and D felt like he just needed to tell someone so he confided in a friend who has recently been through this and would understand the need to keep things secret. But our plan is to not tell anyone else until we’re further along and the risk of miscarrying isn’t so high. The last thing I would want is to live through the agony and heartbreak that alone would bring… and then have to relive it by telling everyone that we lost the baby… and then relive it again every time someone who hadn’t heard about the loss asks how things are going. As of now, if worse comes to worst, we will have two people to tell, one of whom has been through a loss and would certainly understand. Tonight I have a friend’s birthday celebration to attend at a bar, and will have to be sneaky about not drinking. Actually, I found out this bar carries non-alcoholic beer, so hopefully I should be able to fly under the radar with a fake drink in my hand.
What I’m looking forward to: Telling people!! I’m also looking forward to this feeling more real. Every once in a while, it hits me that – holy crap – I am actually pregnant. It feels like a dream. I will admit something kind of gross – I haven’t thrown away the home pregnancy test yet. Yes, I realize I peed on this stick, and it’s kind of nasty to keep around, but a couple of times a day, I will look at it and reaffirm to myself that yes, there are indeed two lines on the test! I also may have taken a second test yesterday, but am going to refrain from continuing to do that. No need to torture myself. Knowing me, I’d hallucinate that the line was somehow getting lighter and that my pregnancy was doomed or something.
Other stuff: D has been incredibly sweet lately. I love the guy, but I will be the first to admit, he is not as open with his feelings most days as I would like. Something has changed in him, though, and he just has been acting much more affectionate these past couple days and saying “I love you” more. And this morning, he actually told me to drive more safely. I told him I was just driving how I normally do (which I will admit, is fast), and he mentioned something about how I should start driving more safely now. I joked with him that he never cared before when it was just me. Okay, honey. I promise. I will slow down, now that I am carrying your child.
If I drink coffee, I may hurl. If I don’t drink coffee, I will have a headache. That is all.
Wow. Wowowowowow… Holy crap. No way!
Yep, what you’re looking at above is a positive pregnancy test. It’s a faint second line, but it’s most definitely a line. Wow. I woke up a little earlier this morning since D is sick and was snoring so I couldn’t sleep. Took my temperature, thinking it would be low, as it’s dipped a tiny bit over the past two days. I was sure my temp was on its way down, which meant that my period was on its way. But no. Temperature was higher. Hmm… I thought. This has potential. So I got up, went to feed the dogs, and just opening the dog food bag sent me gagging. Took a test and… holy crap! All I could do was collapse to the floor, cry and hug my dogs. I wanted to wake D up, but since it wasn’t even 6 a.m. yet and he was sick, I didn’t want to disturb him. So I got in the shower and started getting ready, just to give myself something to do. He came downstairs about a half hour later and asked me why I was up so early, and I just blurted out, “I’m pregnant!!” and shoved the pee stick in his face (ha). His first question was, “Do you believe what it says?” Silly husband. I explained to him that those things are pretty darn accurate. So then we hugged for a long time and he was like, “Well that was easy!” and we both just laughed. I still can’t believe we got knocked up our first month really trying. We were both fully expecting it to take a while, especially given what I thought were issues with my luteal phase. I’ve been doing acupuncture and taking B6 supplements, though, and I think those really helped. Still, it’s a total shock. As Vizzini would say…
Today I am 9 or 10 days past ovulation. Probably too early to test, but has that stopped me from testing every morning for the last three days? Of course not!
Naturally, they were all negative. Even if I am knocked up, it probably won’t show up until at least 12-13 DPO. I am well aware of this. So why do I put myself through the torture when I know it’s probably too early? Because A) I am impatient; B) I am impatient; and C) I ordered myself a pack of 25 tests from Amazon for just $5. Considering most drug store brand tests are around $15 for a 2-pack, I’m not too worried about (literally) pissing my money away. Plus, although it’s pretty rare, I have heard of someone getting a positive test at 6 DPO, which means it could totally happen to me… right?
I just hate not knowing. I’m well aware it could take a while, so I’m okay if it doesn’t happen this month. I just want to know already.
So, just like last month, in order to (attempt to) keep my mind off things, I’m making a list of what I’m looking forward to if it turns out this isn’t our month.
I’ll probably keep testing every morning until I get a positive or a period – the beauty of Internet cheapies! Still have my fingers crossed for a positive test, but either way, I’ll know in a few days, which is a relief in itself.
Keeping up with the Hoffmans 