friends & family, loss, TTC after loss

Thank you for being a friend…

Do you have the Golden Girls theme song going around your head now? You’re welcome.

So, one of my good friends is due in July and I’m helping plan her baby shower this weekend. I’ve actually been handling it pretty well until very recently. I just remembered that I volunteered to take care of games, which includes decorating onesies, and just the thought of going into Target and buying onesies made me start crying at work. I’d probably end up a sobbing mess on the floor of the store if I actually had to do it. So I emailed my friend who’s co-planning the shower with me and explained that between Mother’s Day and our upcoming due date that I haven’t been in a good place lately, and asked her if she’d mind getting the onesies. I also told her I may have to step back this weekend and may need an easy exit strategy during gift opening. My pregnant friend also knows about our loss, and while I know she’d be understanding if I broke down on Saturday, the last thing I want to do is spoil her day. I hope I can hold it together.

I never quite know how friends and family will react when I talk to them about our loss and how I’m doing. I had one friend imply that I should be “over it” by now when we were only about two weeks past our D&C. I don’t think she meant any harm by it, but simply put, if you haven’t been there, it’s hard to empathize with just how emotionally scarring pregnancy loss is. Only my parents and a small handful of friends know what we’ve been through, and while most have been supportive, they don’t always say the right thing.

But this friend immediately replied back, telling me not to think twice about it. She empathized with how hard this must be for me and that she absolutely understands if I need to step away from everything for a bit on Saturday. She told me she’s there for me if I need dinner, drinks or a walk to talk about things, and that she knows that D and I will have a healthy, beautiful baby when the time is right and that all the “aunties” who will be at the shower on Saturday will love this baby and be at my shower too.

Her email brought me to tears. I am so thankful to have good friends in my life.

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