As much as our loss still hurts, I’m finding what helps me the most is looking forward to the prospect of trying again. I won’t lie, a huge part of me is terrified of miscarrying again. But I have to keep reminding myself of what my doctor said: that we have an 80% chance of going on to have a healthy pregnancy this next time. It’s also helpful to remind myself that our friends had a similar type of loss, and went on to have a beautiful, healthy baby this past September.
Since I’m an obsessive planner by nature, I even went as far as to figure out approximate milestone dates if we’re lucky enough to conceive on the first try again this time. With any luck, my period should arrive in about 4 weeks, after which point the doctor gave us the green light to start trying again. That means I could ovulate around Christmas, and have a positive test by D’s birthday in early January. That would give us a September baby – and there is certainly something to be said about September birthdays on my side of the family. I know it’s wishful thinking… who knows if my cycle will be regular, and who knows if getting pregnant will be as easy this time around? Even if it is, who’s to say this next one won’t end in heartbreak as well? But you know what? Thinking about the future makes me happy, and that’s something I haven’t felt in almost two weeks now.