A better me.

No dice. Again.

Even after all that mind fetus, it turned out to be just that… all in my mind.

It’s hard to take the disappointment month after month, especially since it was so easy the first time. I know we’ve only been at this for three cycles now post-loss, and the average time it takes a couple to conceive is six months, but the fact that it happened so easily the first time is what’s making this harder on me personally. I know what my body was capable of before, and for whatever reason it’s not cooperating now. Each month that passes us by makes me a little more worried that it might never happen at all. I know I’m premature in jumping to those conclusions, but still, I worry…

So this cycle I am vowing to try to worry less and to take care of myself a little more. I know I’m stressing about this, and while I absolutely HATE the advice to “just relax,” I do believe there’s some truth to stress and its interference with conception. I downloaded a series of meditation podcasts that are specifically geared toward those trying to conceive. It’s 15 minutes a day for 28 days, with each podcast geared toward where you are in your cycle. It’s more money than I would normally spend on “hippie witchcraft” as my dear husband so lovingly calls this sort of thing, but I’m willing to give it a shot. The upside is that after listening to the first introductory podcast this morning, I really DID feel relaxed, and even had the motivation to go to yoga later.

Speaking of yoga, I know I’ve made this vow a thousand times before, but I really DO hope to get to yoga more often over this next cycle. I’ve been so busy with our bathroom remodel that I haven’t had much free time at all, but the remodel should be wrapping up soon, and I really do find yoga both challenging and relaxing when I do go. The exercise component is good for me physically, and the meditation aspect of yoga really forces me to relax too. I also like how by pushing myself to become better in my yoga practice, I find myself inspired by what my body CAN do… instead of focusing on what it’s not doing right now.

Onto cycle #4…

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