health & body, house, TTC after loss

Hungry, hungry hippo.

I’m trying really hard not to give in to the mind fetus (as originally mentioned here), but alas, here I am in the two week-wait, ovar-analyzing every symptom again. The latest? A voracious appetite. I’ve seriously never experienced anything like this before – seemingly, I cannot get full, no matter what I eat!

Exhibit A: on Saturday after finishing tiling the bathroom floor, I helped myself to a very large piece of leftover lasagna. That alone would have been way more than enough to make me feel full before, but did I stop there? Nope. I immediately followed it with a second equally large piece. Hubby got home a while later and opened the refrigerator and asked where the lasagna was. Sheepishly, I admitted I finished it. He didn’t believe me. That’s how much there was! Of course, then he had to throw out an, “I’m not even mad – that’s amazing” (a la Ron Burgundy). The sad part is, I wasn’t even full.

Exhibit B: Then, last night, after finishing tiling the shower stall (yes, it was a full weekend of tiling goodness), D and I went out to dinner. I proceeded to finish my dinner and eat half of his. We got into the car and he said it hurt to sit down he was so full. Me? I could have kept eating!

Of course, it could have been ANYTHING causing this appetite change – from the hormonal supplements my doctor has me on to the fact that (hello!) I had just spent all weekend tiling and had probably worked up a decent appetite. But my mind naturally went back to the crazy appetite I had with last pregnancy. That was slightly different — back then, I didn’t eat a lot at a time, just got hungry every couple hours. Now, I seem to have a bottomless pit for a stomach. But still… I’d be lying if I said the thought didn’t cross my mind — along with the subsequent urge to go pee on a test. But I promised myself I wouldn’t test until tomorrow at the earliest. Tomorrow is our anniversary, and while I’ll only be 9 days post-ovulation (still pretty early to test), it would be so cool to be able to share that good news with D tomorrow.

Unfortunately, I’m also heading to Boston tomorrow for work, so getting a positive test means I’d have to somehow dodge the inevitable team cocktails. (Not that I’ve never had to fake or make an excuse for drinking before!). In all likelihood, even if I am knocked up this cycle, tomorrow will be too soon to tell. By going out of town (and purposefully not packing any pregnancy tests), I’ll force myself to at least wait until Thursday, which will be 11DPO. Still early for testing purposes, but much more likely to be accurate. In some ways I’m hoping tomorrow’s test is negative (but that I get a positive later this week). If I’m still testing negative I’ll feel okay with having a single glass of wine with coworkers, whereas I just couldn’t do it if I knew I was pregnant, even though logically I know it wouldn’t affect anything that early (you don’t even start sharing anything with the baby until around 6 weeks). Plus, we’re giving a pretty big presentation on Wednesday and I just know I’ll be totally distracted if I know I’m pregnant. If not for our anniversary, I would absolutely wait to test when I get back. But I want so badly to be able to give D this news for our anniversary. Not to mention, he definitely noticed the appetite thing and I’m sure he’s hoping that’s the reason too!

4/17 update: Negative test this morning, which was disappointing, but I know it’s still very early so I haven’t lost hope yet. On the upside, I was able to enjoy a guilt-free beer with my coworkers this evening in Boston. Interestingly, my boss also commented on how he was impressed with how much I was able to eat at dinner!  😐

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