I can’t believe I’m already 6 weeks. In many ways I feel like time is going by faster this time. It also helps that we’re getting in for an ultrasound early — less than a week away now.
Baby: Still an embryo, baby is about the size of a sweet pea now and is starting to grow a nose, eyes, ears, chin and cheeks. S/he may even be wiggling his/her hands and feet by now! This is the week the heart will start beating and circulating blood — a huge milestone and one we hope to see at our appointment next week. I read that the risk of miscarriage goes down to about 3 percent once you’ve seen the heartbeat via ultrasound.
Mama: Still feeling pretty good compared to how I felt this time last pregnancy, though I did throw up this morning (well, I would have, if my stomach hadn’t been empty). I get random waves of nausea here and there, but brushing my teeth has been a chore. It makes me gag, then barf, and then I need to brush my teeth again after I barf. It’s a vicious cycle. Still really tired, but I’ve started taking the bus again, which helps with the evening fatigue, so at least I’m not driving drowsy. Feeling pretty gross and bloated and having a hard time finding something to wear each morning. The “blump” is real, and definitely seems to be worse this time around.
Cravings: Nothing, really.
Weight: gained 0.8 lbs. this week, but I’m still under my starting weight by 0.8 lbs.
Another week down and still pregnant. 13 days until our first ultrasound. Time is moving very, very, very slowly. I forgot just how much I hate the first trimester. There’s so much uncertainty. I thought I might feel better this time with one successful pregnancy under my belt, but I really don’t. I’ve let it slip to a couple friends who have experienced loss, so they understand my uncertainty and are cautiously excited along with me. We’re telling my parents tonight, which I have mixed feelings about. I know they’ll be excited — maybe too excited — and I feel the need to temper expectations. It’s still so early. But, I do know if something bad were to happen, I’d want their support, so I’ve decided to tell them. That, and they’ll know when I’m not drinking with dinner tonight, anyway. 🙂
Baby is now officially an embryo, about the size of an apple seed, and looks like a tadpole. S/he is starting to form heart, stomach, liver, kidneys and other major organs, in addition to the digestive, circulatory and nervous systems. By next week, baby should be double its current size (a sweet pea).
Mama: Starting the weight tracking officially. Stepped on a scale today and I’m actually down 1.6 lbs from last week. I’m starting this pregnancy a few pounds heavier than last time, so I hope I can keep the weight gain in check. Last time I gained 30 lbs, which is pretty normal, and I was able to lose it (and then some) thanks to breastfeeding, though it started creeping back up again once I weaned.
I’m largely symptom-free, which of course, has me nervous. My pregnancy app tells me I may be experiencing sore breasts (nope), nausea (very little), and fatigue (okay, that one I’m feeling, but I’ve also cut out caffeine). I know there’s still time for symptoms to kick in, but the fact that I was puking already by this stage the last two times doesn’t instill a lot of confidence. Still turning a pregnancy test positive. Good thing I’ve got a stash of tests to satisfy my newfound addition to peeing on things.
Welp, here we go again. I’m not going to publish this for a while since there are several people I want to tell in person and not via this blog (although since I stopped writing for almost a year I probably lost the few readers I had anyway). But I’ve said all along this blog is mostly for me, and so I’m starting this now because I have feeeeeeelings and I need to get it out somehow.
Yes, I’m pregnant again. It took us three cycles this time, including one medicated with Femara, the same drug that we used to conceive Theo. Ordinarily I wouldn’t have jumped to drugs so quickly, but we had a very small window to make this work, since I’m on a 1-year contract with my job that ends in February. (I can leave the contract sooner, but if we had a baby any later than February, I could be jobless/job hunting while pregnant – not ideal). So we told ourselves we would give it four cycles, and if it didn’t work, we’d have to put it off for another year or so. My doctor had suggested we give it a go for a few cycles on our own, but said she’d prescribe me the Femara whenever I wanted, since I clearly responded to it last time. First two cycles were a bust, and since I knew we only had two more cycles to make it work, I called in for reinforcements. It worked. So I’ll end my contract in January (one month early), take a few months off, and look for a new job during that time. There’s also a possibility I could get hired back for another year-long contract with my current job after a three month hiatus, which would actually work out perfect.
It doesn’t feel real yet, but I got my first very very faint positive last Saturday at 10dpo (the same timeframe I got that barely positive HPT with Theo). I’ve been peeing on tests ever since, and the line is progressively getting darker, so I guess this is it.
I did end up finding a new doctor who is both closer to home and work. I loved my last OB, but I was working in Seattle during my last pregnancy, so it made sense having a doctor close to work, even if it was about a 45 minute drive from home. But now that I’m working closer to home, it didn’t make sense to go into the city with the million appointments I have coming up. Speaking of appointments, this new doc didn’t feel it was necessary to draw betas like last time, but she did agree to get me in for a viability scan before 7 weeks (May 20), and then I have my first official OB appointment around 9 weeks (June 4). Both of those dates feel like an eternity away, but I’m glad she agreed to an early scan since I’m scared of another loss.
Baby: At this stage, baby is categorized as a blastocyst and is about the size of a poppyseed. It’s currently splitting into the embryo and placenta, and the neural tube (which will become the spine and brain) is already formed. The amniotic sac and fluid are also starting to form this week.
Mama: I’ve had a little bit of nausea that comes and goes, but it’s not too extreme. The smell of dog food doesn’t bother me (yet) like it did the last two times. One thing I am noticing is that I’m insanely thirsty, and super tired all the time – something I never really got before. Driving home in the evening is a chore. I can barely keep my eyes open. I may start taking the bus again so I can relax. I’ve had a lot of cramping lately, which I know is normal, but still freaks me out. It really doesn’t feel real yet, and while I hate to say it, I almost don’t expect this to last. But I just have to keep reminding myself: regardless of what the future brings, today I am pregnant. Holy crap.
The countdown is on to a year. Where has time gone and what happened to my little baby? Hard to believe in just a couple weeks we’ll officially have a toddler (sniffle). It’s really bittersweet; while it’s so much fun to see what a little big personality he’s developing, and watching him learn and grow every day, it’s sad to look back at how tiny he once was and know we’ll never get that time back. Even if we have another child, those precious first days, weeks, months will just never be the same as they were the first time around.
Stats: 21 lbs! He’s put on almost two pounds in the last month, which is good, since he’s always been such a little guy.
Milestones: We officially have a walker! He took his first unassisted steps a couple weeks ago… while his aunt and uncle were babysitting him, so I missed it. Sad face. Thankfully they got a video and he’s done it several times since then. He still prefers crawling as his mode of transportation since he’s so fast, but he’s been gradually walking more and more. Knowing this kid, he’ll be running in about a week. We now have three teeth – two on the bottom and one on the top – and the second top tooth is about to poke through any day now. He’s clapping his hands, waving bye-bye and his latest achievement is giving hugs. Melts my heart when he does that. As I’ve mentioned before, he’s never been much of a snuggler since he never sits still, but now at least he’ll pause for a sec and give me a hug before he’s off and running again (and by “running” I mean crawling at warp speed).
Sleeping: Sleeping is going great. He’s very consistently sleeping from about 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. He’s down to one nap per day at daycare, which is required for him to transition to the toddler room, but at home I notice he still does better with two naps most days.
Eating: Kid loves to eat. He’s able to take bites of things now that he has two teeth on the bottom and one chomper on the top. Last night I gave him a pickle, which was hilarious. He’d recoil and shiver with each bite, but then go back for more. He loves fruits, carbs (bread, pasta, rice, cereal), yogurt, cheese and meat. Vegetables are hit or miss. He loves zucchini and carrots, but when it comes to most green veggies I can only get him to take a few bites before he starts turning his head. We’ve started introducing whole cow’s milk, which he’ll sometimes drink a little of, but isn’t crazy about. We’re also working on getting him better at using a sippy cup. This is another milestone he’ll have to reach before he can make the transition to the one year-old room at daycare — drinking cow’s milk from a sippy. I can’t remember if I mentioned this already, but D has a new job which makes our old daycare location really inconvenient for dropoff/pickup, so we’re going to transfer T to a different daycare. In order to minimize the number of transitions, we’ve decided to make the move at a year of age, when he’d be moving classrooms anyway. But since he can’t move until he hits certain milestones, we’ll have to keep him in the infant room (which, in addition to being out of the way for D is about $75 more per WEEK!). Needless to say, we’re eager for him to “graduate!”
Likes/Dislikes: Still loves bath time. Thankfully his little phase of pooping in the tub seems to have passed (knock on wood!). He has developed a fascination with putting his mouth in the water and blowing bubbles — and occasionally sucks in, causing him to cough and sputter! Hopefully he learns his lesson soon that he can’t breathe water! I REALLY want to get him into swimming lessons, but they always fill up before I can sign up. He really loves the water and I want to take advantage of this and continue to build his comfort in the water before he decides he doesn’t like it. That’s one thing I’m learning quickly about this age – nothing is a given. He may love something one day and hate it the next, or vice versa. He’s been going through a phase now where he HATES the car, for example, but I think we’re finally turning a corner there, as he hasn’t been as bad in the car the last week or so. Last weekend was Easter and we took him to the in-laws’ farm for an egg hunt. That was his first time in the grass (ours has been so wet lately), and it was really funny to watch him. He didn’t like the poky feeling on the palms of his hands and refused to crawl anywhere. The terrain was a little too uneven for him to walk, so he just scooted around on his knees a lot.
Mama: I’m coming to the end of my breastfeeding journey and I have mixed feelings. I’m definitely looking forward to not pumping anymore, but I’m starting to realize just how dependent I am on nursing him. For better or for worse, nursing has been a pit of a panacea. Hungry? Instant meal that’s just the right temperature and no bottle parts to clean. Fussy? Here, this will calm you down. Need to go to sleep? It’s like these things are filled with Nyquil and he’s out in 5 minutes. And I’ll admit, a small (vain) part of me is going to miss burning an extra 500 calories per day while eating whatever I want and continuing to lose weight! 🙂 Then again, my appetite has been enormous while breastfeeding (even moreso than when I was pregnant), so maybe that will subside once I wean. I just hope he’s able to make the transition to a sippy with cow’s milk in the next few weeks. My plan all along has been to be done pumping by his first birthday. I’m already reducing my pumping sessions at work, so I’m supplementing an average of 4 oz per day from my freezer stash. At the rate I’m going through my stash, I should have about 85 oz left by his first birthday, so even if he isn’t fully on board with cow’s milk by then, maybe I can do some mixing of breastmilk and cow’s milk to ease the transition. I may still nurse morning and night for a while if my body will keep producing, just because I enjoy that time we have together, but I’m otherwise planning on retiring the boobs in just a few weeks! I really am thankful to have made my goal of breastfeeding for a year. It certainly hasn’t always been easy.
With that, I’ll leave you with some pictures from the last month…
Shopping with Mom at Costco.Swinging in the sunshine.Loves the dishwasher!Playing with his favorite new toy on Easter.Easter egg hunting with cousin Molly.Easter eggs.Not sure what to think about the poky grass.Egg hunting with Dada.Theo and his Boppa on the farm.Baby selfie.All worn out from egg hunting.Playing with his new Easter toys at Grandma and Boppa’s.
Little man likes to move it, move it. Crawls at an alarming speed (can’t take your eye off him for a second), pulls himself up to standing, climbs on EVERYTHING and cruises along furniture now. He even briefly stood unassisted once. I know walking is right around the corner, which is both exciting and terrifying. A side effect of all this moving? The inevitable wipeouts. He managed to give himself two black eyes in the week leading up to his eight-month photos, and yet another one just the other day. Poor guy.
Stats: 18 or 19ish lbs., according to my super scientific method of weighing myself on our bathroom scale holding him and not holding him. We’ll get an exact measurement at his 9 month checkup next month.
Milestones: As I mentioned above, he is very mobile. He’s also been teething, though he still has yet to have anything break through. It’s strange – he was so uncomfortable for about a week and a half. His gums were inflamed, he was gnawing on everything, and we had to give him Tylenol multiple times per day. I could see his bottom two AND his top two teeth through his gums… and then everything seems to have stopped. There is still a translucent layer of gums over his teeth, but they haven’t broken through and don’t seem to be bothering him anymore. From what I’ve read, this isn’t uncommon – to slow and stop like this before finally breaking through. Still, I’m anxious for them to just cut through already. Oh, and he claps his hands now, which is so cute! Still not doing a ton of babbling (with consonants, that is – still mostly “aaah” sounds).
Sleeping: I’m excited to say, sleeping is going GREAT! We had a bit of a regression during the worst of the teething (and he has also battled frequent ear infections, which sucks!), but once he got over the teething discomfort, he settled into just waking up once per night, and the last three nights, I haven’t had to get up with him at all! I’m almost afraid to type that – I’m sure I just jinxed it. It’s been great, though. A couple of times I’ve heard him wake through the baby monitor, and he’s either fussed for a bit or just babbled and played in his crib, but in both scenarios he’s put himself back to sleep on his own without me having to go get him! I hope this keeps up. But a wise woman once told me to never trust a baby. So we’ll see…
Eating: Eating is going so much better now that we’re in a new daycare (that in itself deserves its own post). He is mostly finishing his bottles, and has even explored some new solid foods. Just yesterday at daycare he ate turkey, cheese and crackers. Seriously! At home we’re still mostly feeding purees (still making my own baby food which is super easy), but he does like to eat rice crackers (Mum Mums), and also really likes yogurt melts. He’s still getting the hang of perfecting the pincer grasp. Most of the time he just fists the yogurt melts and then tries to shove his whole hand in his mouth to make the transfer. This results in a lot of drool and melty yogurt dripping all over his chin and clothes. We usually time dinner to coincide right before bathtime just for this reason! 🙂
Likes/Dislikes: Speaking of bathtime, he still loves it. We’ve made the transition from the infant tub to just putting him in the actual bathtub. He kept trying to climb out of the infant tub and since he’s good at crawling and sitting up on his own now, we figured the real tub was pretty safe. There was one incident where he flung himself backward and hit his head on a toy, and another time where he slipped and dove headfirst into the water (which scared both me and him!), but overall he’s doing great. Not many dislikes, though he is starting to show just a little bit of separation anxiety when I leave the room or drop him off at daycare. And when I come home from work and he’s crawling on the floor, he gets really sad if I try to put my things away before picking him up. He’ll chase me down the hall, crying after me. It’s both sad and cute.
Mama: I’ve been bathing suit shopping lately, which is NOT fun postpartum. We’re supposed to go to Hawaii in a couple weeks (though there’s a chance the trip could get postponed due to the health of D’s grandma – more on that another time). I’ve lost all the baby weight – in fact I’m actually down below my pre-pregnancy weight, but my body is just different. I always assumed my midsection would be the part I’d be the most self-conscious about postpartum, but while I’ve got a tiny bit of a pooch, it’s really not that bad. Interestingly, for the first time in my life I’m totally self-conscous about my boobs! It seems like no bathing suit top will contain these puppies, and they just seem kind of big and floppy now. I miss my perky C cups.
Speaking of boobs (it’s amazing how much of my brain space is occupied by boobs these days… that and poop), breastfeeding is still going well, and I’m still pumping at work. I got new insurance this year, so I was able to take advantage of the fact that breast pumps are 100% covered, and I got myself a second pump to keep at work. It’s nice to not have to lug the pump back and forth every day now, and my new one (a Medela) is a lot more efficient than my old one (an Ameda). I can get just as much, if not more output in about half the amount of time. So it’s nice to keep the new one at the office and then I just use my Ameda on days I work from home, as well as the occasional morning pump. With T sleeping longer stretches, I find myself pretty engorged in the mornings now, and he isn’t always interested in eating much when he first wakes up, which means I have to work pumping into my already busy morning routine those days.
So that’s about it. I’ll save the stuff with D’s grandma for another post, and I also have a long post I’ve been working on to talk more about our daycare situation. It’s been quite the roller coaster, but the short story is that we’re really happy with the new daycare, which makes the incompetency of the old place even more glaring. With that, I’ll leave you with some photos from the past month…
Bathtime buns.Watching the Cougs play in the New Mexico Bowl with cousin Ryder.Napping with Grandpa.Well, hello there… guess it’s time to lower the crib mattress!Christmas morning.Climbing on cousin Molly.Christmas nap at Grandma and Boppa’s.Teething baby who wouldn’t go down for a nap until I wore him around the house.Hanging out with Mr. Penguin.Climbing and pulling himself up on everything.…and I do mean everything.Eff naps!With his friend Cody.First time in the big boy bath.Bathtime babe with a black eye. 😦Loves to clap!Watching the Seahawks beat the Saints!
What a fun age. Everyone says that about six months, but it’s so true. Theo has become less cranky and whiny almost overnight, smiles and laughs all the time, and is almost CRAWLING. Dear God, help us. I am so not ready for a mobile baby.
Stats: I’d guess around 17 lbs. I dropped the ball on making his six-month appointment and wasn’t able to get him in until next week and he’ll be almost seven months old by then. But when we took him in for an ear infection a few weeks ago and they weighed him, he was around 16 lbs.
Sleeping: Sleeping is finally getting better. I finally broke down and we started sleep training a little over a week ago (“Ferberizing”). I read two sleep books with opposing views: one – the Ferber method – is more traditional on letting them cry it out a bit, and the other one bills itself the “no cry sleep solution,” which is more in-line with attachment parenting style. I consider my parenting style to be somewhere in the middle. Since I was morally conflicted about how I felt about letting him cry (I didn’t want him to feel abandoned), I tried the no sleep version first. As I mentioned last month, I picked up some good pointers, but in the end, I wasn’t seeing the results we needed. So as painful as it was to listen to him cry, we embarked on a stricter sleep plan. At the end of the day, it’s important for his health to get more sleep.
We had two primary issues to deal with: teaching him to self-soothe, and getting him to eat less during the night. He’s old enough now that he shouldn’t have a physical need to eat during the night, but he had gotten used to it and so it was hard to break that. To teach self-soothing, Ferber recommends responding to his cries at increasing intervals of time, without picking him up. The idea is to let him know you’re there (shush him, pat his back, talk to him, etc.), but he should ultimately soothe himself without you and fall asleep on his own. So the first night you go in after 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then every 10 minutes until he falls asleep. The second night starts at 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 12 minutes… and so on. Simultaneously, to reduce night nursing, we made him wait at least 2 hours before nursing the first night, 2 1/2 the second night, 3 hours the third night, and so on. So according to our sleep plan, if he woke and it had been enough time to nurse, I would. If not, we’d do the waiting intervals. Most nights he falls asleep again after only crying for 10-20 minutes, so we usually only have to go in once before he puts himself back to sleep. By the time he wakes the second time, it’s usually been enough time that I can nurse him. So we’ve been averaging two wakeups per night — one where we let him cry and put himself back to sleep, and one where I feed him. Oh, and did I mention we decided to put him in his own room/crib when we started this process? We figured it would be easiest to make the transition all at once.
We still have a ways to go before he’s sleeping through the night, but at just two wakeups per night, we’re in a much better place than we were just a couple weeks ago, and it really is nice to have our room back to ourselves.
Eating: Theo is really enjoying “solid” food (read: mush). We’ve been introducing one new food per week in order to keep an eye out for allergies or sensitivities. So far he’s had baby oatmeal cereal, avocado, carrots, sweet potato and peas. We may break our “one food per week” rule this Thursday on Thanksgiving and let him sample a few of the softer things from our plates. We’ve also introduced a sippy cup of water, just for practice. He still gets the hydration he needs from breastmilk, but the sippy cup is fun for him to learn on now, even if he’s not getting a lot out of it. He really loves it though! Nursing is still going well, though now that we’re trying to shift some of his caloric intake from the night to the daytime and sending him with more in his daycare bottles, I’m finding I’m having a harder time keeping up with demand when I’m pumping. I’m working to try to increase my supply, but in the meantime, I’m thankful I’ve been able to rebuild my freezer stash so we can dip into that as needed.
Likes/Dislikes: He is quite the social butterfly and loves anything where people are paying attention to him. Trips to the grocery store are essentially giant flirt-fests for him. He’ll stare at people until they look at him, and then crack a huge smile, which usually gets people cooing at him. He just eats it up. What a ham. Not crazy about his car seat or going on car rides these days. I don’t think he likes not being able to see us. Unfortunately, he’ll be rear-facing for quite a while longer, due to car safety guidelines. He fusses a lot when we first get in the car, but then he usually calms down after a while.
Mama: Not a lot is new with me. Doing well with my weight, but still soft around the middle. I have a crazy appetite these days. I’m way hungrier breastfeeding than I was pregnant. Thankfully breastfeeding burns so many calories. I’ll really miss being able to eat whatever I want once we wean! Still hoping to make it to a year breastfeeding, though if I can keep up my freezer supply, I’d love to give up pumping if my stash could carry me to the year mark and just nurse in the evenings and on weekends. I really do enjoy nursing for the most part, but would like to take my pump out into a field somewhere and beat it, Office Space style.
Here are some photos from the past month, including some professional family photos we had taken last weekend.
Avocado faceFeeding himself with his mesh feeder.Watching the Seahawks win.Sippy cup.Trying to feed himself with a spoon. Needs practice…Mmmm… peas!
Long before I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. It’s just one of those things that I knew would be important to me for numerous reasons: the health of the baby and increased immunity, the cost (formula is expensive, yo!), helping me get back in shape (can’t argue with burning an extra 500 calories a day while sitting on the couch!), and just the overall emotional bond. Not that women who bottle feed don’t bond with their babies – I’m not trying to start a mommy war here – but there is just something about holding the baby skin to skin, knowing you are providing him with all the sustenance he needs to grow… it just felt like a right of passage to me as a mother. It’s a personal choice, but my goal was to do this for one year and try to avoid formula altogether.
I wasn’t naive to think breastfeeding would be all puppies and rainbows, though. I suppose one of the benefits of being some of the last of our friends to have a baby is that I’ve been able to learn a lot through everyone else’s experiences. I can’t think of one friend who didn’t have at least a couple hurdles to get over in her breastfeeding journey. From poor latch, to engorgement, to cracked and bleeding nipples, to mastitis, to diminishing supply, I had heard it all, and so I read up on everything I could get my hands on. I went into this feeling like I was pretty well-prepared. So it’s ironic that the one issue I didn’t study ahead of time would prove to be my biggest challenge.
As I mentioned previously, we had a couple small hurdles to get over at the beginning of our breastfeeding journey, including a bad latch and falling asleep at the boob. Once we got over these issues, though, we were able to settle into a good groove and I actually began to enjoy breastfeeding. I counted myself lucky for the relative ease of it. I didn’t even leak. I was comfortable feeding whenever and wherever, thanks to my nursing cover, which I love. So much easier that packing bottles, since I can’t accidentally leave my boobs at home.
When Theo was about four weeks old, I started pumping once a day. I needed to start building a freezer stash that we could use when he went to daycare, or if we wanted a night out. We gave him his first bottle, and he did okay on it. The flow was a little faster than the real deal, so I ordered some slower flow bottle nipples, and he seemed to do great. For the next few weeks, we gave him one bottle per week, to keep him in practice. Meanwhile, I dutifully pumped every day, and even though I really hate pumping, I had built up quite an impressive freezer stash, and I recently estimated I had about 300 ounces squirreled away.
But after a few weeks, we got lax on giving him his weekly bottle, and when I dipped into the frozen stuff for the first time last week to have D give him a bottle, he outright refused it. In fact, he was screaming, he was so hungry, but just wouldn’t take the bottle. I think I got my first dose of what’s known to working moms as “mommy guilt.” As I sat there listening to him cry, hooked up to my cold, noisy, mechanical pump, tears streaming down my face, all I wanted to do was comfort my baby. And if it weren’t for the fact that I’m returning to work in two weeks, it wouldn’t be so important to get him to take a bottle. I had these visions of him on his first day of daycare, scared, hungry and wanting his mommy. It was too much for me to handle, and I unhooked from the pump, snatched him out of D’s arms and put him to my breast. He immediately calmed down. It was one of the most emotional moments I’ve had since he was born. I can’t describe it, but as a mother, there’s just something so primal about the need to feed your baby. Listening to him scream from hunger pains broke my heart into a million pieces.
At first we thought the bottle itself was the problem, since we hadn’t given him one in a couple weeks. So D and I vowed to start giving him bottles more often to get him used to them again. We had a few different kinds, so we experimented with different bottles. We weren’t having much luck. After a few frustrating attempts, I wondered if maybe it was the milk, since the problem seemed to have started at the same time we started feeding the frozen stuff. I gave it a sniff and – wow – it smelled terrible! Sour, metallic, and slightly soapy. Dipped a finger in and tasted it – yuck. No wonder Theo was refusing. But, since I had never made a point to smell or taste my milk before, I had nothing to compare it to. So I quickly pumped a small amount and smelled it – no odor at all. Dipped a finger in and tasted it – it tasted sweet. Clearly something was wrong with the frozen stuff. I vaguely recalled reading about this in one of my books, so off to the internet I went. From everything I read, it sounded like I had found my problem. Essentially, some women have too much lipase in their milk, an enzyme that breaks down fat, causing the milk to take on a bad flavor in a short period of time. It varies in extremes – for some women, this happens mere minutes after expressing. Others can store their milk in the refrigerator for a few days before it starts to go bad. But in all cases, freezing doesn’t do anything to slow this breakdown, so while most women can freeze their milk and store it for months, the only way to freeze milk when you have excess lipase is to scald it first. This involves bringing the milk to almost but not quite boiling, and then cooling it quickly.
Sound like a lot of work? It is. So in addition to my anxiety about leaving my baby, going back to work and pumping 3-4 times per day, and missing the special time T and I have breastfeeding throughout the day, now I have an extra step to take in storing my milk. Not to mention, those 300 ounces of liquid gold I’ve worked so hard to pump are now useless. That part was especially devastating. Anyone who’s breastfed knows how valuable that milk is. I’ve cried before over accidentally spilling 6 ounces while transferring it to a freezer bag. And now I have to throw out 300 ounces? Kill me now. If only I had tested my freezer stash sooner, I might have been able to prevent all this waste. I have heard that milk banks will take milk with excess lipase, as it’s not harmful; it just tastes bad. Milk banks use it to tube-feed babies in the NICU, so it doesn’t matter what it tastes like. It’s also combined with other milk, so the lipase is diluted anyway. It’s something I need to look into more, but I would feel better about donating my stash than just throwing it all away. What a waste.
So, over the past few days I’ve been defrosting milk from various dates just to make sure it’s all bad (it is), and conducting a series of experiments to find out just how much of a grace period I have after pumping. If my milk will stay good until the next day, then I can essentially just pump each day at work for the following day, and on Fridays scald my milk for Monday. And any excess that I pump that is more than he’ll need the next day at daycare, I can scald for rebuilding my freezer stash, and hopefully D and I can have a date night someday. However, if my milk goes bad within less than 24 hours, then I’ll have to scald nightly. And if my milk goes bad shortly after pumping, I’ll have to find a way to scald at work, or possibly use formula while he’s at daycare. The problem with supplementing with formula, though, is that without pumping for every feed, my supply will drop, or possibly dry up altogether.
So this morning after pumping, I did my first scalding. I hope I did it right. I’ll need to pump and scald a couple times per day between now and August 1, when I go back to work, so I have enough milk for his first day and a little extra for “insurance.” It’s not going to be an easy road, and switching to formula would probably be the easier route, but this is something that’s important to me, and it’s the path I’ve chosen to take.
Well, so much for blogging more frequently. Theo is now two months old. Actually, as of today, he’s 10 weeks. So much for blogging on time too. Time is just flying by, and I can’t believe I go back to work in two weeks. In some ways I’m looking forward to it. I’m definitely looking forward to having more money again, and I’m also looking forward to some adult interaction and putting my brain back to use. But in many more ways, I’m really dreading it. I’ve grown so attached to this little guy and I can’t imagine leaving him for 11-12 hours every day, including my commute. Thankfully I’ll be able to work one day a week from home, and even though we’ll still need full-time childcare, at least I can get 2-3 more hours back in my day by eliminating my commute. I may see if work will let me do two days a week at home. If I only had to go into the office three days a week, I think this whole working mom thing may be manageable. Hard to believe next monthly update will be after I go back to work!
Okay, here’s what’s happening at two months…
Stats: 12 lbs. 6 oz.; 24 inches long; head is 15 inches around.
Sleeping: We’re getting about 4 hours at a time at night, which means if I nurse him right before we go to bed, we usually get one middle of the night wake-up around 2 or 3, and then an early one around 5 or 6. Once I go back to work, this will be the point where we get up in the morning, but for now I usually try to get him to go back to sleep for another couple hours and then we’re up for the day around 7 or 8. I’ve been better about not falling asleep with him in our bed during the night, though I do usually snooze with him in our bed for that last stretch in the mornings. It’s not a really sound sleep, so I don’t worry as much about his safety. D is also out of bed for work by this point, so I make sure T has plenty of space and is away from the blankets or anything that could harm him. He’s still not very good about napping in the crib. Every time I try to transfer him there he wakes up, and he won’t fall asleep if I put him in there awake, so it’s usually just easier to let him nap in his swing or on the couch.
Eating: He is getting much better about eating efficiently and staying awake through a feeding. He is spacing his feedings out closer to 2.5 to 3 hours now during the day, and 3-4 hours at night. During the day he will eat from both sides for about 10-15 minutes at a time, though we occasionally have a marathon session, where he nurses for up to an hour, half-asleep, mostly pacifying. I don’t mind, since I usually don’t have anywhere to be, and the nursing isn’t uncomfortable to me anymore. In fact, I really enjoy nursing now. Hate pumping, though, and I’m not looking forward to going back to work for this reason. I’ve gotten pretty comfortable nursing in public, thanks to my nursing cover. I find myself nursing in parking lots quite often since he always seems to get hungry while we’re out running around!
Personality: He is really getting fun, and his personality seems to develop more and more every day. I think he will be a very active baby, despite previously thinking he was going to be very chill. I do still think he will be pretty easygoing, as he doesn’t seem to fuss nearly as much as other babies I see. He does not like to sit still, though, and he constantly wants to be looking around. He is smiling a ton these days, and it never gets old. Each smile gets me so excited as if it were the first time. I’ve heard of baby smiles described as “parent crack” and it’s absolutely true. I find myself making a fool out of myself with silly faces and voices, just to get that fix and one is just never enough. He is cooing and “talking” to us quite a bit now too, and it’s fun to carry on “conversations” with him. He doesn’t really like his tummy time, and the pediatrician said that’s something we need to work on more. He has good head control when he’s upright but he should be getting close to the point where he can push himself up and support himself on his elbows while on his tummy, and he isn’t doing that yet.
Likes: Still likes having his diaper changed. I mentioned this to our pediatrician and she said her son was like that too, and that they called it his “reset button.” It’s a good description, because even when he’s fussy, he’ll calm down and give me a smile when I change him. He is really starting to like bath time too. I’ve started giving him a bath once a day and it’s so fun to watch him splash and smile up at me. He also really loves to stare at his own reflection. Can’t say I blame him – he’s a pretty handsome dude!
Dislikes: He seems to have regressed a bit on taking a bottle, which is something we’re working on – we need to get this problem fixed before I go back to work. The bottle thing is turning out to be quite an issue, which I’ll go into detail more about in a separate post. His gassy issues we were dealing with last month seem to have subsided, thankfully. He still gets a bit fussy when he has a big burp or fart he can’t seem to get out, but he’s gotten more efficient about working them out himself, I think.
Mama: I’m feeling pretty good these days. Still about 5 lbs. away from my pre-pregnancy weight, but my clothes are definitely fitting better. Still won’t be rocking a bikini anytime soon, and I’ve got a little bit of a gut that wasn’t there before getting pregnant, but I feel pretty good about my ability to work that off. I just got my IUD placed today, and that was SO much easier than getting it placed the first time around. I had heard that it would be less painful after having a baby and boy, was that the truth! The first time I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. This time it felt about as uncomfortable as a PAP.
Looking forward to some of the next milestones, such as laughing, rolling over, and getting some more head control! Every day he becomes more and more like a little person, and less like a cute little lump. As cliche as it sounds, he is truly growing up before my very eyes!
Can’t believe my baby is one month old! Well, he is actually 6 weeks old. I’m a couple weeks behind on writing this, though the photo was taken June 9, at exactly one month old. I’m officially resolving to blog more often, even if it’s just quick posts/photos. I think the idea of trying to capture everything in a big update is keeping me from writing in a timely manner. It’s just simply too hard to find time to sit down and write a long post, especially since he’s been going through a bit of a fussy period lately. It’s sort of hit or miss as to what kind of a day we’re going to have. When he’s happy, I hate to ignore him, and when he’s fussy, he doesn’t like to be put down. Either way, as soon as he falls asleep I have to decide whether I want to shower, pump, clean, nap or do something for myself. Usually there’s only time to do one before he’s awake again. As of right now he has fallen asleep on the couch and I’m afraid to move or I’ll wake him up. But maybe I can finish the post before he does!
(Side note: it’s now three days later – he only gave me about 20 minutes in the photo above and I’ve only had a few minutes here and there to write since then!)
Okay, here’s what’s happening at 1 month…
Weight: 11.4 lbs
Sleeping: We’re only getting about 3 hours at a time since he wakes up to eat frequently, but he has gotten to a point where he usually goes down easily at night, and will go right back to sleep after eating. Sometimes we both fall asleep while nursing, since I’ve mastered the side-laying feed. I’ll wake up and realize it’s been over an hour and we’re both snoozing, sometimes with my boob still in his mouth. While it’s helping me to get more sleep at night, it does make me a bit nervous when I fall asleep like that since I’m afraid of smothering him with my giant boobs. He’s sleeping well in his Pack and Play next to our bed and I’m trying to get in the habit of having him nap in his crib during the day, but most of the time he ends up falling asleep on the couch, in our arms, or in his swing.
Eating: He’s eating like a champ. Still gets a bit sleepy at the breast, but will usually make up for a sleepy feed by pigging out at the next feeding. We’re feeding on demand but he tends to eat pretty regularly every 2 hours during the day and every 3 hours at night. He’s given us a couple 4 hour stretches at night and one 5 hour stretch, though. The extra sleep feels awesome, though my boobs feel like they’re going to explode when I wake up.
Personality: It’s fun to see little glimpses of his personality developing, and I’m excited to find out what kind of a person he turns out to be. I think he will probably be pretty chill. He tends to get fussy in the evenings, but he also has been burping and farting a lot lately, so I think a lot of his fussiness is due to gas. Otherwise, he mostly only cries when he needs something – usually a boob or a diaper change. He definitely has days where he’s fussier than others, but I heard the average baby cries for 3 hours a day and he’s nowhere near that. So even on his “bad” days, I know he’s really not that bad. He is really easy to take places, since he tends to sleep great when there’s a lot of noise around him.
Likes: He HATED having his diaper changed for the first couple weeks, but now he loves it. In fact, if he’s fussing, he’ll actually calm down now when you change his diaper and will stare attentively at you while you change him. He likes his pacifier okay, and it will sometimes calm him when he’s fussing, but he won’t always take it, and he tends to spit it out quickly. He really likes his swing and his activity mat, and loves to stare up at the dangling toys. Above all else, he loves the boob. Even when he isn’t hungry, that’s the one surefire way to stop him from crying. Unfortunately, he tends to get a bit frantic and gulp a lot of air while he sucks when he isn’t hungry, which causes more gas, which makes him fussier, so I try to find other ways to calm him if possible when I know he isn’t hungry.
Dislikes: He’s a pretty easy going guy, so there isn’t a lot he doesn’t like at this point. He isn’t afraid of being held by other people, and isn’t even fazed when the dogs bark. About the only thing that really pisses him off is gas. If he needs to burp or fart (or poop), his face goes beet red and he fusses and grunts until he can get some relief. Poor guy. I may ask our pediatrician if there’s anything we can give him to help with the gas. I’ve heard mylicon drops can help but haven’t looked into it enough yet.
Mama: Recovery for me has been a bit rough, and slower than I expected it to be. At 6 weeks postpartum I’ve only recently started to really feel like myself again, though there are some things that are just… different than before. I think I’ve pretty much destroyed all my pelvic floor muscles and those will take a while to rebuild. I’m not loving this postpartum body and I still have about 7 or 8 lbs to go before I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I have my six week checkup with my doctor next Tuesday and I’m hoping she’ll clear me for exercise so I can start getting back in shape. As of right now I’m feeling pretty squishy and weak. I went bathing suit shopping yesterday which was seriously depressing. I knew I would definitely be wearing a one-piece this summer, but I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to find something I’m comfortable in. I did finally find a suit at Nordstrom that was WAY more money than I would have normally spent (usually I can find cute cheap suits at Target or Old Navy). I’m having some pretty serious buyer’s remorse and will probably keep the tags on until I really need to wear it, and keep my eye out for something cheaper before then so I can return it.
Okay, I’m going to wrap this up before Theo wakes up from his nap!
Two things I said I’d never do: give a pacifier before breastfeeding was well-established, and bring the baby into our bed at night. Guess what we did within the first week? We gave a pacifier on night two and brought Theo into our bed to sleep on night four. I think the rule of thumb when it comes to being a new parent is to never say never, and even though I could have punched every person who gave me some variation of that advice, the truth is, they were totally right.
Another thing I didn’t anticipate? That it would take me two weeks to find time to write another update since my last post! Theo is now three weeks old. Time flies. I have tried to update this blog multiple times over the past couple weeks, but caring for a newborn is more time consuming than I had ever imagined. Not only that, but between feeding and diapering round the clock, and not going to work or having any sort of set schedule, I’ve lost all concept of time.
Picking up where I left off last time, Theo gave us quite a hard time his first two nights. Actually, nights are still a bit of a challenge, but those first two nights were exceptionally rough. By the time we got transferred to our postpartum room that first night, it was about 2 a.m. and we had been up for almost 22 hours straight. We were beyond exhausted. Unfortunately, newborns tend to be VERY awake immediately after birth, and Theo was no exception. The first dilemma we were faced with was a poopy diaper. After some “wait, how do you do this?” conversation, we figured out the diaper, but then we couldn’t figure out how to swaddle him back up. Funny, we had learned how to both diaper and swaddle in our newborn care class, but suddenly neither of us could remember how to do either of those things in the moment. Theo broke out of our half-ass swaddle in a matter of minutes, and, as it turns out, having free arms is an alarmingly frightening thing to a newborn. He was sure to let us know just how displeased he was. The next morning the nurse came in and remarked about all the crying she heard coming from our room last night. Gee, would have been nice for her to offer some help! But I suppose the nurses tend to err on the side of letting parents figure things out for themselves unless asked. Duly noted.
Good morning! Never mind I just kept you up all night.Uncle Robbie and Theo (and mama’s first beer in 9 months!)
Since D’s dad and step-mom were coming to visit at 10 a.m., I figured I should get showered in an effort to feel human again. The hot shower was glorious, but the showering experience was a bit frightening, upon realizing just how torn up my poor lady bits were. But still, after a hot shower and a touch of makeup, I almost looked like my old self again, even if I didn’t feel it. After D’s dad and step mom, our friends Deanne, Brandon, Daren and Erin came by around noon, followed by my brother and sister-in-law around 3 (they brought me my first beer, which was glorious!), our friend Matt, and then my friends from college, Rachel, Kelly and Margaret around 4. D’s mom, sister, brother-in-law and niece came by around 7. It was a long day, but the steady flow of visitors made the day go by faster, as we were beginning to feel like prisoners in our hospital room. Theo was a perfect angel all day, but we soon learned we were in for another long night of crying. Turns out he had his days and nights flipped, which is common for newborns. (Side note: this is also what caused us to bring him into our bed to sleep a few days later, as someone had suggested this to help him regulate his days and nights. It definitely helped, and a week later we started the process of transitioning him back to his bassinet. I’m hoping to not set a precedent of him sleeping in our bed that will only be harder to break later!)
Unfortunately, that second night, I came to the painful realization that Theo had a very shallow latch when it came to breastfeeding, and my poor nips were already starting to blister from the constant (incorrect) nursing. After being unable to console him for the second night in a row (thankfully we figured out the swaddle, at least), we called in a nurse for help. She helped me some with my latch, but the damage was already done by that point. We tried nipple shields, which he didn’t like at all, and since he was mostly nursing for comfort at this point, we reluctantly introduced a pacifier. As I mentioned earlier, I really had wanted to hold off on that, but after only about 2 hours of sleep in 48 hours, we were desperate. The pacifier calmed him some, but it would fall out when he fell asleep, and that would wake him up and make him start crying again. So I spent most of the night popping the pacifier back in every time he would spit it out. I didn’t get much sleep, but at least my poor boobs got a bit of a break, and by the next morning, I was at least able to nurse again without crying from the pain.
After being checked out by the hospital’s pediatrician, we were finally given the green light to go home that day. We had a few other things to take care of first, including a newborn photo shoot, hearing test and visit from a lactation nurse, but by 1 p.m. we were finally on our way home!
Daddy and Theo, ready to go home.
I sat with Theo in the back seat of the car and remember being so terrified of every other car on the road. I think it’s going to be a while before I feel comfortable with him in the car. When we got home, my brother and sister-in-law had decorated the entryway with balloons and welcome home signs.
Welcome home, Theo!
I can’t even describe how good it felt to be home. We introduced Theo to the dogs, which went beautifully. They were mildly curious, but ignored him for the most part. An ideal situation, really. They have plenty of time to become friends.
Stewie meets Theo for the first time
Since we’ve been home, we’ve had plenty of visitors, which is great since it’s given us something to look forward to (and a reason to shower!) each day. We’ve also hardly cooked anything since bringing Theo home since everyone keeps bringing us food. My parents flew in on the following Saturday, and while my dad could only stay for a few days, my mom is staying for three weeks and has been spending most of her time with us. It’s been nice having the extra help since D went back to work and Theo has gotten plenty of grandma time.
Theo and his grandma.
As I mentioned earlier, we had a bit of a rough start with breastfeeding. Once we got the latch issues corrected, the next dilemma we faced was a narcoleptic nurser. Every time I would put him to the breast he would take about 2-3 sucks and be out like a light. I would spend the remainder of our nursing session trying to wake him/keep him awake. I mistakenly assumed he was still getting enough milk, until he was weighed at his first pediatrician visit the day after we were released. While it’s normal for babies to lose some weight in the first few days, Theo lost almost a full pound, which was concerning to our pediatrician. Actually, our first clue that something may be wrong was the night before when we saw what looked like blood in his diaper. We were pretty worried and called the pediatrician on call and were told they were uric acid crystals, a symptom of dehydration.
First pediatrician visit.
So our pediatrician told us feed every 2-3 hours round the clock, even if it meant waking him, and to do everything possible to keep him awake while eating. We had another weight check two days later, followed by a third check two days after that, and a final check a week after that, and I’m happy to report he is gaining weight like a champ. It’s still a bit of a challenge to keep him awake at the breast, but he’s getting better. He’s now back to his birth weight and we were given the green light to feed on demand now. He still usually wakes on his own every 2-3 hours, but we’ve gotten an occasional 4 hour stretch at night, which feels like heaven… that is, until I wake up and my boobs feel like they’re going to burst if I don’t feed him immediately!
Other milestones these three weeks have included his first grocery store trip, his first shopping trip to Nordstrom (mama needed some new bras!), and our first dinner out (I had been dying to eat sushi again, but we tried somewhere new and it was a bit disappointing). He’s been to Target, the vehicle emissions station, and we even took him on a 2-hour drive to our friends’ cabin in Cle Elum for the day. He does great in the car and hardly fusses when we’re out, with the exception of a minor meltdown once in the Target parking lot. Turns out he was just hungry, so I hopped into the backseat, whipped out the nursing cover and took care of that problem. Overall he’s a very happy baby, with the exception of his “witching hour” (he tends to get fussy in the evenings). At first it was between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m., and it’s gradually been shifting earlier and earlier. Now he usually starts fussing around 7 or 8 and calms down around 11 p.m. or midnight. It’s frustrating to try to get him to calm down when we are dead tired and ready for bed around 10, but it means he usually sleeps pretty well after midnight and we can get some sleep too. He still wakes to eat, but will go right back to sleep afterward with little to no fussing. The great news is that he really likes to sleep in, so what I lose at the beginning of the night, I can usually make up in the mornings, and we’ve been sleeping in until 9 or 10 most mornings. Since D is back at work and I have the boobs, I end up with the night shift. Once I go back to work and we’ve introduced a bottle we may start sharing night duties.
Okay, this is turning into another marathon post, so I’ll cut it off here. I will try to write more often so I can keep these posts shorter! I’ll leave you with some more photos from the past three weeks.
Theo and mama go bra shopping.First dinner out.Theo and his great grandma.Discovering his reflection.All dressed up in honor of Daddy’s first day back at work.First real bath – loved it!Fascinated by his play mat.
Keeping up with the Hoffmans 