4 weeks pregnant.

Welp, here we go again. I’m not going to publish this for a while since there are several people I want to tell in person and not via this blog (although since I stopped writing for almost a year I probably lost the few readers I had anyway). But I’ve said all along this blog is mostly for me, and so I’m starting this now because I have feeeeeeelings and I need to get it out somehow.

Yes, I’m pregnant again. It took us three cycles this time, including one medicated with Femara, the same drug that we used to conceive Theo. Ordinarily I wouldn’t have jumped to drugs so quickly, but we had a very small window to make this work, since I’m on a 1-year contract with my job that ends in February. (I can leave the contract sooner, but if we had a baby any later than February, I could be jobless/job hunting while pregnant – not ideal). So we told ourselves we would give it four cycles, and if it didn’t work, we’d have to put it off for another year or so. My doctor had suggested we give it a go for a few cycles on our own, but said she’d prescribe me the Femara whenever I wanted, since I clearly responded to it last time. First two cycles were a bust, and since I knew we only had two more cycles to make it work, I called in for reinforcements. It worked. So I’ll end my contract in January (one month early), take a few months off, and look for a new job during that time. There’s also a possibility I could get hired back for another year-long contract with my current job after a three month hiatus, which would actually work out perfect.

It doesn’t feel real yet, but I got my first very very faint positive last Saturday at 10dpo (the same timeframe I got that barely positive HPT with Theo). I’ve been peeing on tests ever since, and the line is progressively getting darker, so I guess this is it.

I did end up finding a new doctor who is both closer to home and work. I loved my last OB, but I was working in Seattle during my last pregnancy, so it made sense having a doctor close to work, even if it was about a 45 minute drive from home. But now that I’m working closer to home, it didn’t make sense to go into the city with the million appointments I have coming up. Speaking of appointments, this new doc didn’t feel it was necessary to draw betas like last time, but she did agree to get me in for a viability scan before 7 weeks (May 20), and then I have my first official OB appointment around 9 weeks (June 4). Both of those dates feel like an eternity away, but I’m glad she agreed to an early scan since I’m scared of another loss.

Baby: At this stage, baby is categorized as a blastocyst and is about the size of a poppyseed. It’s currently splitting into the embryo and placenta, and the neural tube (which will become the spine and brain) is already formed. The amniotic sac and fluid are also starting to form this week.

Mama: I’ve had a little bit of nausea that comes and goes, but it’s not too extreme. The smell of dog food doesn’t bother me (yet) like it did the last two times. One thing I am noticing is that I’m insanely thirsty, and super tired all the time – something I never really got before. Driving home in the evening is a chore. I can barely keep my eyes open. I may start taking the bus again so I can relax. I’ve had a lot of cramping lately, which I know is normal, but still freaks me out. It really doesn’t feel real yet, and while I hate to say it, I almost don’t expect this to last. But I just have to keep reminding myself: regardless of what the future brings, today I am pregnant. Holy crap.

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