4 weeks pregnant.

Welp, here we go again. I’m not going to publish this for a while since there are several people I want to tell in person and not via this blog (although since I stopped writing for almost a year I probably lost the few readers I had anyway). But I’ve said all along this blog is mostly for me, and so I’m starting this now because I have feeeeeeelings and I need to get it out somehow.

Yes, I’m pregnant again. It took us three cycles this time, including one medicated with Femara, the same drug that we used to conceive Theo. Ordinarily I wouldn’t have jumped to drugs so quickly, but we had a very small window to make this work, since I’m on a 1-year contract with my job that ends in February. (I can leave the contract sooner, but if we had a baby any later than February, I could be jobless/job hunting while pregnant – not ideal). So we told ourselves we would give it four cycles, and if it didn’t work, we’d have to put it off for another year or so. My doctor had suggested we give it a go for a few cycles on our own, but said she’d prescribe me the Femara whenever I wanted, since I clearly responded to it last time. First two cycles were a bust, and since I knew we only had two more cycles to make it work, I called in for reinforcements. It worked. So I’ll end my contract in January (one month early), take a few months off, and look for a new job during that time. There’s also a possibility I could get hired back for another year-long contract with my current job after a three month hiatus, which would actually work out perfect.

It doesn’t feel real yet, but I got my first very very faint positive last Saturday at 10dpo (the same timeframe I got that barely positive HPT with Theo). I’ve been peeing on tests ever since, and the line is progressively getting darker, so I guess this is it.

I did end up finding a new doctor who is both closer to home and work. I loved my last OB, but I was working in Seattle during my last pregnancy, so it made sense having a doctor close to work, even if it was about a 45 minute drive from home. But now that I’m working closer to home, it didn’t make sense to go into the city with the million appointments I have coming up. Speaking of appointments, this new doc didn’t feel it was necessary to draw betas like last time, but she did agree to get me in for a viability scan before 7 weeks (May 20), and then I have my first official OB appointment around 9 weeks (June 4). Both of those dates feel like an eternity away, but I’m glad she agreed to an early scan since I’m scared of another loss.

Baby: At this stage, baby is categorized as a blastocyst and is about the size of a poppyseed. It’s currently splitting into the embryo and placenta, and the neural tube (which will become the spine and brain) is already formed. The amniotic sac and fluid are also starting to form this week.

Mama: I’ve had a little bit of nausea that comes and goes, but it’s not too extreme. The smell of dog food doesn’t bother me (yet) like it did the last two times. One thing I am noticing is that I’m insanely thirsty, and super tired all the time – something I never really got before. Driving home in the evening is a chore. I can barely keep my eyes open. I may start taking the bus again so I can relax. I’ve had a lot of cramping lately, which I know is normal, but still freaks me out. It really doesn’t feel real yet, and while I hate to say it, I almost don’t expect this to last. But I just have to keep reminding myself: regardless of what the future brings, today I am pregnant. Holy crap.

Resurrection.

I suck. We’re getting ready for Theo’s second birthday and the last time I posted was just after his first birthday. I actually have several posts I had started drafting, but just never got around to finishing. Maybe I’ll dust those off at some point too.

So, this is my attempt at resurrecting this blog. I hope I can be more diligent about writing because life really does go so fast and I want to preserve these memories. I still can’t believe I almost have a two year-old. Life with a two year-old is pretty much everything I thought it would be — the extreme highs when he’s being sweet, coupled with the extreme frustration when he’s throwing one of his epic tantrums. And good lord, are they epic. Just this morning he was going to help me feed the dogs (something he loves to do), but when I gave him the cup full of dog food, instead of going toward the dogs, he ran the other way. Some kind of a game, I guess? I gave him a few chances to come over to the dog dishes (all the while, the dogs are drooling larger and larger puddles), before I finally went to him and told him he could go put the food in the dish, or I was going to do it myself.

Long story short, he chose poorly. I took the food from him. He lost it.

I was already late for work, and he was so mad by this point that he didn’t want to let me brush his teeth, put on his shoes or jacket — or even touch him, really. He threw himself on the ground kicking and screaming (so dramatic). Getting him ready was quite the fight, and by the time I hauled him out to the car, he was screaming so loud I was sure our neighbors were going to call the police because some kid must be getting kidnapped or possibly mauled by a bear. When he screams, this kid screams like he’s being tortured.

But even through the frustration, sometimes all I can do is laugh. I mean, this is what I signed up for, right?

And the sweet moments make up for it. Like the way he says “I love you,” (which sounds more like “ah duh doo”) when I put him to bed at night, and he blows me kisses all the way to the door — even after I close the door, I can still hear him blowing kisses. Or the way he points and yells, “mama!” when I walk in the door and runs so fast he crashes into me in a giant hug.

Life with a toddler is tough, but it’s worth it.

Here are some pictures from the past year.

Boating last summer.

Boating last summer.

Those curls!

Those curls!

First haircut!

First haircut!

So handsome!

So handsome!

A day at the aquarium.

A day at the aquarium.

Picking pumpkins at the farm.

Picking pumpkins at the farm.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

18 months old.

18 months old.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Redmond Winter Festival.

Redmond Winter Festival.

Getting our Christmas tree.

Getting our Christmas tree.

Theo and cousin Ryder weren't a fan of Santa.

Theo and cousin Ryder weren’t a fan of Santa.

Cheering on the Seahawks!

Cheering on the Seahawks!

My happy guy!

My happy guy!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Hangin' with Ryder at the library.

Hangin’ with Ryder at the library.

Helping mom with home improvement projects.

Helping mom with home improvement projects.

Ready to mow the lawn.

Ready to mow the lawn.

My boy.

My boy.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!

Swinging with Ella.

Swinging with Ella.

Little daredevil.

Little daredevil.