6 weeks.

As of today, I am 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I’m still feeling sort of “blah” about the whole thing. It just doesn’t feel real yet, and I think I’m just subconsciously waiting for something to go wrong. When I look back at where I was this time last pregnancy, it makes me sad. I was so full of hope and dreams about the future. I loved my baby. This time… I just don’t see a future yet, if I’m completely honest. I don’t really feel any sort of a bond yet, but I think that’s just because I’m scared. D and I don’t really talk much about it either because he’s having a hard time getting excited too. It just makes me sad that we were robbed of what should be such an exciting time in our lives. I really hope that once we make it past our first appointment and ultrasound we’ll be able to feel more excited. 17 more days.

In the meantime, at 6 weeks…

Baby is approximately 1/4 inch long – about the size of a small pea. It’s forming a face this week, including eyes, ears, nose and chin. It’s morphing into the shape of a shrimp, with little nubs where the arms and legs will be. Still looks pretty alien at this point, but is on its way to looking somewhat human-ish!

Mama is more nauseated than ever. I remember last time, this was about the point where the morning sickness kicked up a notch, too. These last couple weeks I’ve had a little nausea very first thing in the morning and sometimes late at night – and have only actually gotten sick a handful of times in the morning – and most of that was in the very beginning when we first found out. I’ve thrown up the last three days in a row now, though, and now this morning, the nausea doesn’t seem to be going away and it’s after 10 a.m. As long as I don’t yak in front of my coworkers or on the bus, I’m okay with that, though. I’ll deal with any discomfort or inconvenience if it means I get to keep my baby.

The good news is, I haven’t had any spotting yet (knock on wood), which is something that had started up by this time the last time. I know some spotting is considered normal, but you better believe I’ll be headed straight for the hospital should I see even the tiniest drop of blood this time.

Another thing that’s new this time has been my horrible skin! With last pregnancy, my skin was clear and I felt like I had that whole “glow” thing going on. This time, not so much. It’s like I’m a teenager again.

Definitely still feeling like a fatty and am loving that the weather is cooling, making way for fall sweaters. My boobs are on fire as well, and I’m just about ready for a new bra. Trying to put that off as long as possible, though! In general, I’m sort of putting off anything that makes it feel more real until we know things are going the way they should. Just 17 more days…