You can’t reason with crazy.

One of the hardest things about not telling many people about our loss has been the baby and pregnancy references from other people. Most of these are well-intentioned — friends asking when we’re going to have kids or parents asking if we have any big news to share. They sting, but I can usually force a smile and get through it.

This Christmas, though, D’s grandma got us a very “special” gift and I’m having a hard time getting over it.

A little background to set the stage: Grandma Hoffman is crazy. And I don’t mean in a sweet old lady who forgets things kind of way. I mean in a truly lost her mind sort of way. On top of it, she is just plain mean. Even her own kids can’t stand her, and everyone tiptoes around her so as not to upset her. Not that they necessarily care about her feelings, but no one wants to hear her nonsensical tirades when something sets her off. No one will tell her which grandkids are living with their significant others, or that our brother-in-law is gay. This woman believes with all her heart that homosexuality evolved as a result of women’s lib — and I quote, “Women stopped letting men open doors for them, so men started kissing each other.”

You can’t make this kind of crazy up. But I digress…

Anyway, we often get strange things from her for Christmas, and I’ve learned to take most things with a grain of salt. This year, though, she took the concept of strange gifts to a whole new level. She got D furry handcuffs. Yes, you read that right. Furry handcuffs. Like the kind you would find in a sex store. And they came with a note. Something about how she is 87 years old and wants a male great grandchild to carry on the family name before she dies and that D can use these to tie me up and make it happen. She obviously doesn’t know what we’ve been through, and if she wasn’t so crazy I would have had some words for her. But there’s absolutely no reasoning with her, she is simply that crazy.

I’ll admit, in the 9 years D and I have been together, I’ve always just sort of laughed at crazy Grandma Hoffman. I never let her upset me the way she did to D and his sister. But this “gift” hit a nerve. I’ll probably go to hell for saying this, but I kind of hope this is her last Christmas.

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