NICU day 78

Anyone who’s ever been pregnant (to term) will tell you that the ninth month of pregnancy lasts approximately 68475840383758202 years. I’m beginning to think the same is true for that final stretch of NICU life. Since the day Emmett was born, the doctors and nurses have all told us to plan to be here until around his original due date. Sometimes babies go home sooner, sometimes later, but the due date is a pretty average target for a release date when you have a preemie, particularly a really early one. And I think I was okay with that until Sunday when we were teased with the possibility of an early release. Since then E has slipped back into his old ways. Frequent but minor desats, occasional bradys, lack of progress on the eating front. On the bright side, he’s off oxygen still. But it’s looking like these feeding issues will be the final hurdle.

I’m just exhausted and I’ve hit my wall. I know we’re almost done, and he really is doing well. But for some reason I’m having a harder time now than I ever have. I just want him healthy and home so we can begin normal life. 

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5 responses

  1. I have been following your blog since I had a miscarriage before my son was born and your familiar stories have helped me get through some tough times! My son was actually born very early as well and we had to stay in the NICU for what felt like an eternity. The days do feel very long in the end, but he will be home with you before you know it and the NICU days will feel like a very distant past. One of my son’s doctors actually told me one day toward the end of our NICU stay “He is so precious and is never going to be as small as he is today again”. I feel like that helped me focus on snuggling my boy while we were there as much as I could instead of focusing on everything that was keeping us from being at home.

  2. Praying for all of you Mandy. You are holding up amazingly well, but hanging out this long in a hospital is incredibly draining. I hope today is a good day.
    Love, Patti

  3. Similar feelings to a condition known as “get-home-itis” On a long trip, people will increase their risk taking in order to complete their trip and get home, taking on risk they wouldn’t have done at any other point in the trip. We would see it in pilots completing a long cross country trip, pressing through bad weather or fatigue, making poor decisions near the end of their trip. It is a very strongly motivating human factor, and also very normal. Now that you have recognized it, dealing with it is a matter of lapsing back to an old cliche – “one day at a time”. Hang in there Mandy, he’s sailed through 99.9% of the worrisome aspects of being a premie and will be home safe and normal when he is home. Love you – Dad

  4. I remember hitting this wall- you are so close! It’s hard to believe it/get excited about it though, I know. I didn’t end up telling anyone (including myself?!) when he got discharged. I just wasn’t totally sure and couldn’t get my hopes up again. It didn’t seem real when we took him home, but it was quiet and just what we needed it to be. Big hugs and I promise you, it will be soon!!

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