SIXTEEN.

I keep meaning to start up the weekly posts again. And every week I chicken out. We’re now three weeks past our last loss milestone, but I still haven’t been able to shake the fear. I put on a smile for other people (mostly because I’ve found my fears tend to make other people uncomfortable or cause them to try to convince ME to feel okay) — but deep down I’m still scared. And so is D. Probably even more than I am. I guess that’s just the hand we’ve been dealt and I wouldn’t expect anyone who hasn’t been through what we have to understand. That said, I’m definitely clearly pregnant now. And I do find myself looking back at my weekly updates with T and wishing I were taking the time to document this pregnancy, so I guess now is as good of a time as any to start. (deep breath) Here we go…

Baby: is about 4 and a half inches; about the size of an avocado (or a grenade, according to one website!). His ears and hearing are becoming more developed and he should be able to hear what’s happening on the outside now. This means he will start to recognize mine and D’s voices so he’ll be familiar with us once he’s on the outside. He’s also growing hair, lashes and eyebrows. (I wonder if he’ll be born with a mohawk like T!) Baby is also forming taste buds and should begin to develop preferences for certain things I’m eating.

Mama: is feeling pretty good, aside from some sciatic pain. That came on around 20ish weeks last time, and this time around it started around 13 weeks. I’m finding that everything seems to be happening sooner this time, really. Last week I started feeling him kick and roll a few times a day. I’ve been feeling what I thought might be flutters for a couple weeks now, but as of last week, it’s suddenly become much more obvious. I didn’t start feeling clear movement until about 19 weeks with Theo – but I also had an anterior placenta with him and it’s posterior this time. I’m also showing much faster this time. Granted, I’m starting pregnancy about 5 lbs heavier than I started with Theo, so that may contribute some to the tummy, but there’s a definite bump there now, and it’s about the size it was closer to 20 weeks last time. I’m working out more this pregnancy than I did with T and I’m hoping that will keep the weight in check, despite my higher starting weight.

Total weight gain thus far: 6 lbs.

Cravings: jalapenos, Girl Scout cookies.